Bombs & Bullets | Cricky [C]

45 | Dance

| Ricky's POV |

Everything kind of became a blur. I don't even remember what started Chris' and I's fight, it just happened. There was a tension building between us and it finally just broke. Without a second thought, I drove to Devin's.

It's rainy season in Scranton. The sky was grey, storming down on me. Oddly, I loved it. Storms calm me.

I knocked on Devin's door. Fuck, I hope he's home. He was, and when he answered the door, his eyes were glossed over with tears.

"This is a bad time, isn't it?" I asked.

"I, um, I actually could use your company." He sniffled. "What are you doing here?"

"Uh, Chris and I got in a fight and I just got in the car and left. Somehow without even thinking I ended up at your house." I responded, stepping into his house. I looked up at him and wiped away one of his tears. "Hey, c'mon, you're supposed to be the strong one between us. Don't cry. It's my job to be the big baby."

Devin laughed as he intertwined his fingers with mine, of which still rested on his cheek. "I'm sorry. I've just reached my breaking point."

"That's okay. We all need to have a good cry sometimes." I tried to comfort him. I pulled off my jacket and kicked off my shoes, making myself at home as usual. "What happened?"

Devin obviously needed me more than I needed him. He gestured for me to follow him to the kitchen, so I did. Fuck, he was really fucked up. Like I said, he's always been the strong one. I guess the bigger they are, the harder they fall.

"I've fucked up everything. I hurt the love of my life, I hurt my daughter, my own blood. I don't know what to do anymore." As he spoke, the tears fell once again from his eyes.

"Shiloh brought Bella to Chris and I's. I was just leaving as they got there, so I didn't stop to ask. Just tell me what happened."

"At least they're safe with Chris." He responded. "Shiloh found out about my affair with Jax. No matter how many times I apologized, he wouldn't listen. I never meant to hurt him like this. Never. After he left, the doctor called. He told me that he came to the conclusion that Bella's asthma attack came from second hand smoking. It's my fault that happened to her."

I walked around the kitchen counter to where he stood. Then I pulled him into a hug, shushing him. This feels so backwards. I'm not used to having to comfort him. He always comforts me! He wrapped his arms around me, holding onto me for dear life.

"Shh, don't think that way. Shiloh loves you, and he will come to his senses. It's not your fault you tried to move on because you thought he wasn't coming back. And it's not your fault Bella got sick. You always tried your best not to smoke around her. Fuck, for all you know, it's my fault. I'm always around her." I tried my best to comfort him. "Devin, your family loves you. They always will. I promise, this is just a bump in the road."

"Can we just get over it, already? All the bumps and potholes? Because I'm sick of things going wrong." He cried.

"You are I both." I sighed, letting his tears stain my shirt. "Life is give and take. We can't have good without bad, okay?"

"Well where the fuck is the good then? Ricky, I swear, things were so much easier when I was with you." He confessed, making my heart speed up.

I don't want to be caught up in this situation. It was true though. We never fought, there was never awkwardness. I love Chris, and he loves Shiloh. He just said it as an, in the moment kind of thing.

I pulled back from our embrace to look at him. "We weren't together long enough for things to go bad. I promise, it'll all pan out."

"I hope so." Devin said as he wiped his eyes again. "What's wrong with you and Chris?"

"Huh? Oh, just stress from the wedding planning and all. It's nothing important."

Compared to what he's going through, my fight with Chris looks childish. I decided to leave it be.

"Hey, I did promise you dance lessons." He spoke, changing the subject.

I turned white, knowing I'd look like an idiot. "You don't have to right now."

"Are you sure you aren't just scared?" He teased me. "C'mon, it'll help me get my mind off of things."

That made me agree. He obviously is over stressed, and needs something to help him relax. Plus, I do eventually need to learn how to slow dance for the wedding. Chris knows well, but I don't at all.

Devin turned on the radio. Some Cher song came on. He pulled me to the open space between the kitchen and living room.

"C'mere." Devin said as he pulled my arm. "I won't bite."

I rolled my eyes jokingly. "Liar."

He yanked me closer. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"You totally bite. You've bit me before." I pointed out.

As I spoke, I happened to get a whiff of his strong cologne. He still wears the same one, that smells like pure sex. If he wasn't married and I wasn't engaged... I shouldn't be having these thoughts! I brushed them aside.

Devin laughed. "That was years ago." He replied. Then, he guided my left hand on his shoulder. He placed his left on my waist, and intertwined our right hands. "Relax. There's nothing to be nervous about."

"Sorry." I sighed.

"It's okay. Come a little closer, and just follow my lead." He instructed me.

"That's all?" I asked.

He softly smiled. "That's all. See, you're a natural."

I was terrified I was awful at this. It always looks a lot harder than this! As long as I followed his lead like he told me, I was fine. He was starting to recover from his breakdown too. His face was still flushed, but the tears stopped.

I looked up into his silver eyes. I swear, I've never seen eyes like his. They were as beautiful as the shining moon. Why can't Chris be this docile? He's always got to have everything his way! He's so fucking stubborn. We always have to have such a loud relationship too. Why can't it be calm and quiet, like this?

"I gave you up too easily." Devin suddenly muttered.

"Huh?" I questioned, swearing I didn't hear him right.

"Chris is a lucky man, to have you. You're beautiful and strong. I let go of you too easily, but I guess I knew, you weren't supposed to be mine."

He spoke so softly, it touched my soul. I kept my eyes trained on his. I don't know what came over me to do this, but I did it. I reached up to his height and kissed him. It wasn't a short peck, but it also wasn't overly long. Just right, just enough for me to regret later.

"Ricky-"

"I'm sorry." I whispered as I looked down in shame. "I don't know what came over me."

"It's okay, Sweetheart." Devin spoke, then stole another delicate kiss from me. "Both our hearts are aching. We're reaching for something to hold onto, even if it's the past."

"I still shouldn't have... I just... I just feel so lost and... cold." I confessed.

"Ricky, listen to me. It's alright. I still love you, in many ways, and I missed the way you taste, but let's leave it as just reminiscing." Devin said.

I rested my head against his chest. He secured his arms around me, making me feel warm again.

"Let us leave the past to die now." I replied.