why does it have to be you?

XIV | final. the answer in my heart is you.

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Anan and War stood there in the living room for a few more minutes, hugging each other tightly.

No one spoke momentarily.

They were both just basking in each other's warmth and presence while feeling different emotions.

Relief. Yearning. Love.

War is mostly relieved to see his husband, that he got home safely. He has been yearning for him the moment they parted at the airport a few days back.

The past few hours were hard for him. He was scared, anxious, and  hurt.

Scared that he might wake up from this wonderful dream of Anan loving him backㅡ it was all too good to be true anyway.

But hugging his husband right now seems to have banished all those negative feelings. Although he was hugged so tightly, ironically, he felt like he could finally breathe.

Anan meanwhile was relieved to be hugging his husband right now. That despite his rash decision to go to him at the godly hour, he was welcomed home with warmth. There was not a moment that he did not yearn to hold his husband like this while being briefly away. What happened earlier that day was a whiplash of negative emotions for himㅡ but having his husband in his arms seemed to have blacked out everything else.

Anan felt warm tears against his neck where War was hiding his face and this was what made him finally pull away a little for space, to see War, and to finally talk.

“Hey baby, don't cry hm? I'm sorry, really.” Anan softly sighs with a smile, leaning in to kiss War's tears away. He kisses along his cheeks where they trickle down, then he kisses along the corner of his eyes one at a time, in a futile attempt to stop them from falling, which was of course what happened inevitably. Because the gesture just made War tear up more as he clutched his shirt. Anan then smiles and kisses the pout that formed on his lips, the particular pout he makes when he tries to stop himself from crying.

“How can I not cry when you treat me like this,” War says his thoughts out loud but he doesn't really care now. “And, I should be the one apologizing. For not listening to you first. Plus you were on the plane, flying for hours. I kept thinking how restless you might have felt. I saw everything, I saw Perth's statement, and instead of relief, what I felt was shame for reacting like this. For shutting you off.. I'm actually ashamed to see you, to go back to the palace, toㅡ”

War's words trailed off because of Anan's warm lingering peck on his lips again. “And that's where I need to stop you.” He wraps his arms around his waist, leaning in to kiss the tear stains along War's cheek again before speaking again, “You have nothing to apologize for. What you felt was inevitable and valid. To think that it wasn't that long until we realized our feelings, until we said it out loud and acknowledged them. You must have felt confused and scared that I didn't mean everything I said to you so far. And that, I understand. I understand as well that you need to breathe, of course at a place where you feel the most safeㅡ your home. With your parents. So you have nothing to be ashamed of or anything, okay? You did nothing wrong. If anything, it just made me realize that you indeed love me as much as I do. Not that I doubt it, of course. So please baby. Nothing to apologize for. Besides, I should be the one apologizing. I should have been careful. I should have messaged you right after I accidentally met Perth so that it would be the first thing that you'll see instead of that article. But all of that is behind us now. The most important thing for me right now is that I'm here with you.”

War tries to stop more tears from falling and fails, and Anan couldn't help but coo at his usual pouty face when he tries to stop himself from crying. But then War speaks again. “You have nothing to apologize for as well. It just sucks that the media always wants to paint everything on a surface level. To post things that they want to assume without even knowing what the truth is. But you are right, it's all behind us now. I just.. I missed you so much, Anan.” War lunges at his husband again, closing off that small space between them and nuzzling his face on his neck.