Article 1: Bro's before Ho's
Article 2: A Bro is always entitled to do something stupid, as long as the rest of his Bros are doing it
Article 3: If a Bro gets a dog, it must be at least as tall as his knee when full-grown
Article 4: A Bro never divulges the of the Bro Code to a woman. It is a scared document not to be shared with chicks for any reason...no not even that reason.
NOTE: If you are a woman reading this, first let me apologise: it was never my intention for this book to contain so much math. Second, I urge you to look at this document for what it is-apeice of fiction meant to entertain a broad audience through the prism of stereotypical gender differences. I mean, sometimes it really is like we're from different planets! Clearly, no real person would actually beleive or adhere to the vulgar rules contained within.* Those boots are adorable, b-t-dub.
*Psst-her guys I put this in really small type at the bottom since we all know men have much better vision than women. Ignore the above-the Bro Code is definitely NOT a peice of fiction. I was simply lying to uphold this very article.
Article 5: whether he cares about sports or not, a Bro cares about sports.
Article 6: A /bro shall not lollygag if he must get naked in front of other Nros in a gym locker room
Article 7: A Bro never admits he can't drve stick. Even after an accident.
Article 8: A Bro never sends a greeting card to another Bro.
Article 9: Should a Bro lose a body part due to an accident or illness, his fellow Bros will not make lame jokes such as "Gimmee three!" or "Wow, quiiting your job like that really took a lot of ball". Its still a high five and that Bro still has a lot of balls...metaphorically speaking of course.
Article 10: A Bro will drop whatever he's doing and rush to help his Bro dump a chick.
Article 11: A Bro may ask his Bro(s) to help him move, but only after first discoling an honest estimate on both time commitment and number of large pieces of furnititure. If the Bro has vastly underestimated either, his Bros retain the right to leave his possessions where they are-in most cases, stuck in a doorway.
Article 12: Bros do no share dessert
Article 13: All Bros shall dub one of their Bros his wingman
Article 14: If a chick inquires about another Bro's sexual history, a Bro shall honor the 'Brode of silence' and play dumb. Better to have women think all men are stupid than tell the truth.
Article 15: A Bro never dances with his hands above his head.
Article 16: A Bro should be able, at any time, to recite the following reigning champions: Super Bowl, World Series, and Playmate of the Year
Article 17: A Bro shall be kind and courteous to his co-workers, unless they are beneath him on the Pyramid of Screaming
Article 18: If a Bro spearheads a beer run at a party, he is entitled to any excess monies accrued after canvassing the group
Article 19: A Bro shall not sleep with another Bro's sister. However, a Bro shall not get angry if another Bro says, "Dude, your sisters hot!"
Article 20: A Bro respects his Bros in the m,ilitary because they've selflessly chosen to defend the nation, but mpre to the point, because they can kick his ass sex ways to sunday.
Article 21: A Bro never shares observations about another Bro's smoking-hot girlfriend. Even if the Bro with the hot girlfriend attempts to bait the Bro by saying "she's smoking-hot, huh?" a Bro shall remain silent, because in this situation, he's the only one who should be baiting.