In Between Codes

Chapter 4

And then, as if by chance, he overheard a group of girls chatting excitedly about K-pop. Specifically, the Haru Boys. He felt a little twinge of recognition—he knew about them. 

He thought of trip to the mall with Alison and talking about the Haru Boys. The conversation had flowed so easily, so naturally—she'd been so enthusiastic about the cute lead singer, and he had matched her energy and excitement. The topic of conversation might have been girly, sure, but in that moment he felt natural and at ease.

As he remembered that moment, something inside him shifted. He could almost feel that same energy return. His body seemed to channel it automatically—he stood a little taller, felt a little lighter. There was a small but real sense of happiness bubbling up inside him, a giddy excitement he hadn't expected. 

Then, out of nowhere, he heard a familiar voice. "Hey, Thomas!"

It was Jake, one of the scoccer players, surrounded by his teammates. Jake waved at him with a casual grin, a completely normal gesture, but to Tomy, it might as well have been a spotlight.

"You have any advice for the team before out next game?" asked Jake.

Tomy flinched, his heart skipping a beat. His phone buzzed in his pocket, surely a notification from Samantha, but he ignored it.

He opened his mouth, trying to think of something to say. The words came out clumsily. "Uh... yeah, uh..."

His mind scrambled for something to say. All he could think of was how much he wished Samantha was here to help. Then, like a bolt from the blue, a thought hit him: Fashion is kind of like code. And before he knew it, he blurted, "Well, um... I think... the colors on the uniform don't really match, you know?"

Jake stared at him, clearly perplexed, but Tomy pushed on.

"I mean, green and purple? It's like... kind of clashing. I think it'd look better if you wore, like, the same colors as the cheerleaders' skirts... you know? Green and navy blue. The skirts, they're, like, totally adorable."

What was that? What did I just say? Tomy thought, his face burning red.

His phone, now feeling hotter than his cheeks, burned in his pocket. It was definitely Samantha doing something.

Jake raised an eyebrow, but he smiled anyway. "Cool." Then he turned back to his friends, resuming their conversation.

****

The first few classes were rough for Tomy. Without Samantha's quiet whispers in his ear — answering questions, anticipating topics, offering quick retorts — he was a step behind, slower to respond, less confident. His words felt awkward as they tumbled from his mouth. And the worst part was, everyone noticed. To his classmates, it was as if Tomy had simply "checked out" for the day. He could feel the eyes on him, the pity behind the glances.

The temptation of checking his phone and using Samantha was huge but he was determined to go without her until he could stop her from telling him he was trans.

At Chemistry class, Tomy sat in the front row . Next to him sat Zoe Alderton and Angela Repici. They were both the type to get good grades and stay out of trouble, but Tomy didn't know much more about them. He'd never tried to connect with them. He didn't know how to.

When the teacher, Mrs. Whitaker, bounced into the room with a smile plastered on her face, Tomy's attention snapped back to reality. It was going to be a good class, she said, all about creating something with their own hands, moving from theory into practice. She was practically vibrating with excitement.