Chapter 19

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---- 48 days left ----
---- Italics is Quinn
Bold is Santana
Normal is Both ----

"Hi Lucy. Would you like to come in?" Rachel asked and I step past her and into the foyer that doubled as a dining room that doubled as a sitting room that doubled as her bedroom that doubled as her kitchen that doubled as her bathroom.

The kitchen consisted of a mini fridge, a sink and a broken rusty stove. The bedroom was a mattress in a floor. Though despite how tiny it was, it was clean, and neat, and gave off a homey feel. There were plants here and there, and ikea chair, and some Broadway poster hung up haphazardly on the walls. It was like one of those dormouse apartments Rachel had talked about living in with Finn.

"I like your place. It's small, but distinctly Rachel." I paused, but felt better when she smiled. "How are you doing?"

"Well, my Broadway show is over, but I have a job on an off broadway stage, which should pay the bills until I'm offered another audition. My agency is working on it." I nodded.

"Sorry to hear about your Broadway show." She shrugged.

"I actually hated being Lea Michele. All of my monologues were contrived, and the song segues were forced, honestly I'm surprised we lasted as long as we did."

"She was your part in the play?"

"Yeah, I preferred Fanny Brice." I smiled at her.

"Of course, she was your dream role." Rachel nodded but looked away. "I'm sorry is everything okay? Did I do something wrong? It feels like you've been avoiding me since that morning."

"N-no. You haven't done anything wrong."

"Then why aren't you talking to me?" And why can't you look in my eyes?" I tilted her head so she would look at me and took a step closer. "What's wrong?"

"There's n-n-nothing wrong!" She looked away, but I held her cheek.

"Tell the truth." My hand began to get wet, and her eyes sparkled with tears. "Rachel?" She fell into my arms and starting squeezing me like I would disappear.

"H-he took e-everything from me! My dreams, my personality, my identity, I have no ambition! I don't even know if I like performing! Who am I?" She seemed sad and unsure, scared. I took a deep breath, it was hard to see her like this, but I imagined it was harder for her to be like this.

"Rachel. You're going to be fine."

"H-how do you know?" I smiled and titled her head up again.

"When I look into your eyes
It's like watching the night sky
Or a beautiful sunrise." I gave her a smile, and she wiped her tears.
"Well, there's so much they hold
And just like them old stars
I see that you've come so far
To be right where you are." When she had first sang this it was senior year, and everything had fallen through with her audition.

----in the street outside the building----

"Hello? Hi is this the center where they hold the um, the, where they hold those, meeting things." Santana pressed a phone to her ear and looked down at the ground in front of her.

"We do hold drug users anonymous, gambling anonymous, smokers anonymous, and alcoholics anonymous here, yes."

"When's the meeting for the um, last one." You could practically hear the girl on the other line raising an eyebrow.

"There's one tonight at 8, free admission."

"Do you have to sign up?"

"No, please just show up."

"Okay, um, thanks."

"Have a good day."

"Erm." The line was cut off.

"How old is your soul?"

Santana looked at her phone fora second before dialing a new number.

"Santana." The blond on the other line picked up after three rings.

"Hi. I'm so sorry about last night, and the past few nights and everything."

"Yeah."

"Well, I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up."

---- back in the apartment ----

"And when you're needing your space
To do some navigating
I'll be here patiently waiting
To see what you find" She continued crying but kept holding me, as I sang softly into her ear.

"'Cause even the stars they burn
Some even fall to the earth
We've got a lot to learn
God knows we're worth it
No, I won't give up

I don't wanna be someone who walks away so easily
I'm here to stay and make the difference that I can make
Our differences they do a lot to teach us how to use
The tools and gifts we got, yeah, we got a lot at stake
And in the end, you're still my friend at least we did intend
For us to work we didn't break, we didn't burn
We had to learn how to bend without the world caving in
I had to learn what I've got, and what I'm not, and who I am

I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up, I'm still looking up.

Well, I won't give up on us (no I'm not giving up)
God knows I'm tough enough (I am tough, I am loved)
We've got a lot to learn (we're alive, we are loved)
God knows we're worth it (and we're worth it)

I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up" I looked Rachel in the eyes. This was the moment. This was the moment we kissed. We were inches apart. We were an inch apart. We were a centimeter a part. We were a millimeter.

"I think you need to leave now Lucy." Rachel said turning her head away. My heart dropped and I felt myself getting angry. How dare she ignore me then lead me on just to reject me again! I have been doing everything right!

"Fine." I stormed out and slammed the door on my way. When I got outside to the street I saw Santana crying on the phone.

"Hey, I love you too. We're going to be okay. I love you so much Britt-britt." I yanked the phone out of her hand.

"Britt-Britt, sannykins needs to leave." I hung up and threw her phone back at her. "Lets go this was a fucking waste of time."

"What happened?" The Latina asked carefully.

"Just drive!" I screamed and her foot stomped the gas petal.

"Next stop kickboxing class so Quinnie here can let off steam."

"Don't call me fucking Quinn!" Santana smirked.

"You're sure acting like Quinn." I felt my heart sink again. What the fuck is Rachel doing to me?!

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