Chapter 14

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Yesterday had been intense to say the least. After the events of my birthday two days prior to this one, my mom decided it would be best for my brother and I to see a councillor and talk things through.

All he seemed to talk about were my anxieties and hopes for the future, and only very briefly did he focus on my self-harming.

Needless to say I was relieved. I didn’t want to talk about it. I knew I wasn’t going to do it again, so what was the use in worrying?

Well, at least I thought I wouldn’t do it again. That night, I began to ponder once more on what had happened over the past month.

I got pretty depressed about it. And so, once again, I took my stress out on my own body. Deepening the original lacerations, I once again became numb in what I was doing.

I knew that I should have told my mom, but something inside of me enforced a resistance. I knew it would hurt her if she were ever to find out.

I also knew that for the next few days at school vigilance would be of the utmost importance – it wasn’t as though I could tell everyone that the wounds had opened and re-scabbed.

That lie was one too obvious.

I had been fretting all day about getting ready for the concert that night. I guess it was more of the thought that we could bump into Matt and Brian.

Over the two days especially, my feelings towards him had rapidly progressed.

After overhearing the phone call, I felt that we were kindred in spirit and I wanted more than anything to reach out to him.

 I wanted to tell him that I’d been self-harming, but I didn’t want to appear needy. And I wanted him to like me.

I was sitting on the edge of my bed, staring blankly into space as my friends proceeded to fix their make up for the concert.

“OI!” Emily shouted, nudging me in the side, “Are you going to get ready or what? We want to be there early to queue so we can get to the front.”

Shaking myself from deep thought, I sat up to see that they had all fixed their make up so that they looked like mini Andy Biersacks.

Just shows for how long I had been out of it. My disorderly expression was apparently noted, and they proceeded to tell me why the hell they had decided to look like that.

“Well, we figured that Mr Sanders and Mr Haner wouldn’t recognise us if they saw us” Vicki joked as she turned back towards the mirror to fix herself up some more.

“Well, I’m hardly going to be recognised anyway,” I said sarcastically as I waved my heavy purple cast around in the air for them all to see clearly.

“Are you going to get ready or what?” Jenna pressed as I rolled my eyes.

“I’m just going like this. It’s bound to get really hot in the crowds anyway,” I told them, checking my appearance in the mirror.

I didn’t look that bad anyway – I was wearing a turquoise vest top and my ripped black skinny jeans.

“What time are we meeting Joel, Benji and Mikey?” Emily asked insouciantly as she too returned to the mirror.

“They’re picking us up in…ten minutes” I told her, pausing to look at the clock by my bed. I was actually dreading seeing them, Joel especially.

 He just didn’t seem to understand that I didn’t like him like that anymore.

Jenna sat down on the edge of my bed. “So, are you glad that you missed our English lesson yesterday?” she asked jokingly, but with a purpose.

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