Chapter 17

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---- 49 days ----

Rachel got up before I did, she went in the kitchen to scavenge in the kitchen, where she saw to her confusion: Santana. And her...bottle.

"Heey Santana, how... are you?" Santana began sobbing.

"It's so nice of you to ask!" Sob. "None of my friends," sob, "do that anymore! And I feel like when you do, you really mean it!" She started sobbing, louder and harder. Brittany came in a minute later.

"Okay Sanny, you've had enough unicorn pee to drink." She gently removed the bottle poured out its contents and recycled it. She noticed Rachel and jumped.

"Oh, hey Rachel, what are you doing here?" She rubbed her eyes, and looked slightly stressed.

"I knew it! Lucy is so smooth she probably got the girl immediately!" Santana burst into tears again. "It took me so long to realize my feelings," sob. "All those wasted years!" She began clutching Brittany even though she was sitting and Brittany was standing up. Gently the blond pried her off.

"Did you guys... you know... platypus?" Brittany leaned forward with anticipation at the small girls answer.


"Well, platypi are part beaver, and you're like a beaver because you're so cute and you work really hard-"

"And you have buck teeth!" Santana added helpfully. The she sobbed again. "Oh my gosh I'm such a bitch! I'm so sorry!"

"Then they're also part duck, which Lucy is because she was really cute as a little kid, and is probably a very protective mom, and good with kids."

"She was," sob, "always," sob, "the mom of all three of us!" Sob sob. Brittany sighed and rubbed her back kindly.

"So did you do the platypus?" Brittany asked excitedly.

"Are you asking if we had sex?" Rachel raised an eyebrow.

"Your so dumb!" Santana pointed out to Rachel, and sobbed some more. Brittany gave up rubbing and looked sorta frustrated.

"Why would we have sex? Lucy is straight. And so am I guys." Rachel grabbed some cereal.

"Lucy isn't straight. And we all know she's into you, so who's looks silly now." Brittany crossed her arms and smirked then dropped them and looked stricken.



"What did you say?!"


"What did you say?!"

"I said what!"

"No I mean back before about quinn being-"

"Hey guys." I rubbed my eyes and walked in. "Glad you're up and getting breakfast."

"Hi Lucy, what's up, we weren't talking about you by the way. I mean, why would we? Also Santana's not drunk right now, and I have to go to rehearsal!" I studied Rachel's flustered face.

"Do you want a ride?"

"No thanks, I'll take the bus! Bye!"

"It's not problem, Rach. Really, you don't have to take the bus."

"No I should you know... pollution, peak oil! All that good stuff, or I guess bad stuff. You know it's not always black and white, which is quite interesting to-"

"Peak oil?" I asked confused.

"Yeah! Peak oil! Bye!" She ran out the door and Santana started sobbing about everyone in her life leaving her.

"Santana? Why is your stomach all plastic-y." Santana began sobbing harder.

"Just because my boobs are doesn't mean my entire body is!" I lifted up her shirt and found her entire body covered in my little pony, hello kitty, and Disney princess bandaids. Everywhere Santana had pressed a knife there was a bandaid.

"If you tease me I swear I'll cry!" Santana warned.

"Don't tease her!" Brittany yelled.

"I think I'm about to cry." I said and burst into laughter, tears running down my cheeks, while I made strangled attempts at saying whipped over and over again. This of course made Santana loose it and begin to cry again, then Brittany started crying out of frustration. We cried for a bout ten minutes before I looked at my watch.

"Shit guys, I'm late for therapy, Brittany I need to talk to you afterwords Kay?" Brittany nodded and sighed tiredly.

"Kay." As I walked out I heard Santana crying about how her best friend was suicidal, and Brittany just sighing more. I rolled my eyes and as I walked to therapy tried to come up with a solution.

---- 39 days later ----

"I'm so sick of this! Santana ever since I got back all you do is drink! What is the matter with you! If you don't find someway to cut it out I'll- I'll- I'll-"

"You'll what?!?"

"I'll leave you! You aren't the person I married!" I put my pillow over my ear to block out their 1 am fighting. I heard strangled sobs from behind the door some more yelling before I finally drifted off. When I got up I found a tangled up Santana on the couch. Brittany was in the bed surrounded by tissues. I grabbed a bucket of water and woke up Santana.

"Get up bitch!" Santana gasped and woke up immediately.

"What the fuck Q!" I rolled my eyes at her using my old nickname.

"You've slept on the couch to many times in the past few days. You're coming with me!" I shoved some pills at her. "Here take these but get a glass of water, I was going to bring you one but I dropped it." She flipped her drenched hair and glared at me.

"Where's Brittany?"

"Asleep. You're lucky she didn't leave last night."

"My marriage is none of your concern." She told me firmly and stood up. I rolled my eyes and scribbled down a note. "What are you writing?"

"Oh, I'm just writing a quick note to Brit telling her you left with me and that you'll be back tomorrow." She shoved the pills in and swallowed.

"Where am I going again?" Santana crossed her arms.

"Your hangover isn't too bad, good." I said, she looked down.

"The pills helped." I smiled at her.

"Get dressed, I'll make us breakfast." Santana nodded and made her way to bedroom, tiptoeing so Brittany wouldn't get up. I saw her plant a kiss on her forehead before walking out again.

"I'm ready." I handed her breakfast which was some cereal and bacon. I stole the bacon, and she laughed.

"Is that what your having for breakfast? My bacon?" I nodded.

"Breakfast of champions." She laughed, and I think it was the first time I had heard it in at least a week. we climbed into Santana's car, and I drove.

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