Bamboozled

Part 3 - The End

So, for those whom may care, here are the five major "w's" of my life in summary to finally close off this real life short.

Who: This is complicated and started last year in January of 2024 (I wonder why) and have been living as a refugee in my mother's home in the city since. It has affected my mental health more than I thought it would. Actually, It affected both of us, creating a weird dynamic that I think will be hard to handle when I return home for my mom who is 82.

Where she used to be very independent, outgoing and friendly, Mom is now acerbic and co-dependent on me. I talked with my therapist and he thinks she is afraid to be alone again. I understood that, therefore brought in a chatty boarder. Big mistake. I fear I am NOT meant to be a landlord. I DETEST working with people face to face even if they are family (I wasn't stupid enough to rent to someone I did not know personally again.) Besides, mom loves my cousin, even if she drives me around the bend, because she caters to mom's every wish. The one downside to the arrangement was MY aunt (her mother) is extremely jealous.

So, to shorten the complications, the who's are the original renter who evicted me from my farm by trashing it and causing it unlivable for over a year, and my mom. Oh, maybe toss in the multiple people now living in my head so I can survive in an environment I am not supposed to be in? Apparently, I am good with them as long as I am in quiet place where they are not triggered. Cities are not quiet. This one isn't - do you know of any which are?

What: Lack of motivation and constant freeloading by my sister. Sigh. Instead of fighting, I run away because the confrontation is NOT worth it.

Gawd... I hate it when company arrives, outstays their welcome and doesn't help pay for the bills. Of course, it's not like I can send them anywhere because they've been evacuated due to a huge fucking wildfire. No really, I can't. There isn't a single hotel room available. The province is pleading with the hotels to open rooms up to evacuees, and even sent some to Niagara Falls for a "needed vacation." Sigh... Why not my sister? She'd never been. Like, really? Plus, it now costs $3.25 per fucking liter of water and $2.75 per liter of sewage so when you have someone visiting who uses the damn toilet every fucking hour, YOU just know your utilities bill will be over $500 dollars! I'm going to cry blood this next cycle. She won't turn off a damn light switch, leaves her laptop on all the time, and washes clothes every two days (oh, and now my washing machine croaked so hello new one) because all her volunteer work was more important than clothes. It might be MY house (yes, it's my house but my mom lives in it) so Mom makes the rules, I would tell her if you don't save energy, get out. Then again, she treats her mother like a maid, so why wouldn't she treat this like a hotel? Mom has never asked her for a dime, even when I told her I had to sell my car to meet all the bills for the year.

Where: In my head. Yes. So... this is all of my disability combined. Having my Insurance Company threaten to cut off my disability payments (they are to pay me until I turn 65) and once more go to the doctor for yet more forms to be filled out. Finding out that the past year has change my health status from overall healthy for what I am - not diabetic, not high blood pressure, cholesterol, well, you get the point, to the point that every fucking thing except diabetes that you can possibly have related to stress, I now have.

If I could hate living, I would. I hate my brain. My therapist (I hate seeing one again, btw, it makes me feel broken - if you see one, do you also feel this way?) says that I have all the tools in my toolbox to "help myself." If I did, dumbass, would I be here, every two weeks, crying? Then he tells me talk to people. Oh, if you are interested, the actual diagnosis for my current mental status is "psychological distress." When I asked for further clarification, you know, cause the other people I keep locked away in my brain were clamouring for answers, my doc just shrugged and said, "Oh, you know, you're under a tremendous amount of stress lately. Let's see what we can do about that. Maybe more drugs?

I sighed and looked back at him hopefully (bear in mind here in Canada pot is legal), "Recreational? I'm on enough prescriptions already." He looked up from the computer screen and pushed his bushy eyebrows together and blew ME a raspberry. Honest to gawd, he did!

"No, you know you can't! And no drinking, either. Go to the lab and get some bloodwork. Start some of these pills, see you in a month." I got the lab req and well dam, so much for teasing the doc, because he tested me for every street drug AND alcohol levels! It don't bother me if that's your thing, but I am trying to live here, peeps! I don't do that stuff, it plays too much with my brain and I have too few cells left as it is.

When: All the fucking time. Seriously, my social anxiety is getting so bad, I'm not leaving the house unless I have someone to hold my hand! I just want to throat punch people.

Why: It sounds like a huge baby whining, but damn it, it's been over a year now, and I am still waiting for my new house to be finished being built. I REALLY want to move in, just go back home.

Now, to close this all off, the turd who wrecked my home had his federal trial last week. 5 years for running guns. It was a reduced sentence "because he cooperated." Well, fuck me. Guess I'll have to keep my hammer close since he thinks I turned him in. 

So there you go! The tale of how the GenX farmer got taken is put to bed. I've now got high cholesterol, blood pressure and multiple voices in my head telling me to kill people when they get close to me, along with seizures. Life is great! Still no house on my farm but oh well... I do have a crappy pop up tent trailer and a hot plate so I can stay for two to three days. 

Sold my car so I could pay property taxes for last year and this year. I should be home for the fall or so the builder said. Gawd, I hope so. I am praying. 

Stay safe, everyone!