The real Zoe Sugg

Chapter 10- The truth

Alfie's POV

"What's up guys"

I smiled as best I could at the camera lens standing inches away from my face. This was going to be harder than I thought.

"Okay, so a lot of you are aware that Zoe, or Zoella, has been taking a break from social media and youtube for a few months now, and I have come to the realisation that this cannot be kept a secret any longer"

My voice was becoming shakier with each word, but I have already made my decision. I am going to tell the truth.

"She's not pregnant, or any of your other zalfie conspiracies, but she's in a clinic. An eating disorder clinic, suffering from anorexia. I am not going to go into detail about it, 'coz as you're probably aware, it's a pretty personal matter and not one that needs to be shared with you guys, but I want you to know that she is in safe hands and heading in the right direction"

Breath Alfie, breath.

"Obviously, it's going to take a while, maybe even another year, but she will be back and she will get better. Please remember that it's not her fault and she's having a tough time, so don't leave rude comments and please please please stay subscribed to her channel. When she comes back, she'll be better than ever"

I could feel the smile fading, and i knew i had to finish it now.

"I'll be back with a more positive video next week, cya later guys. And remember to leave all your support for my little one. Byeeeeee."

As soon as i'd said the last word, I clicked off the big red button and fell into my hands. I've been like this ever since Zoe was admitted. My life is filled with worry, regret, guilt and anger.

Worry; Will Zoe be okay? What if she never gets better? What if she doesn't love me anymore?

Regret; Why didn't i notice? Why did I send her there? Why didn't i help her myself?

Guilt; It's my fault she's in there. Why do i feel like shit when she feels 10x worse? Why am allowed to make videos and she's not?

Anger; Why did she have to ruin my life? Why did she leave me to live alone? Why do i feel like this?

I shook off the thoughts like a dog drying its fur, and got out of my room. I find it hard to be in there for long periods of time knowing i have to sleep on my own in there, and that Zoe's not making the bed in her special way.

Ever since Zoe's been admitted, I've moved into her flat, so when..if..she comes back, i'll be there to help. But, it's not helping my situation in the slightest. Being here, surrounded by all of her stuff and favourite books and her guinea pigs. Fuck, why are her guinea pigs making my cry. Shit, i'm crying now just looking at them. 

"She'll come home, pippin" I say, though i'm reassuring myself rather than the stupid guinea pig, who is only looking at me like that because it wants food. 

"Hmph, ironic hey pippin, how you want food so bad, and Zo doesn't. You should swap for a few days"

I say this, knowing full well it goes deeper than her just not wanting to eat. I wish it was just her not wanting to eat..at least she'd be happier.

****************

After a few hours of posting the video, I can't even bare to go on my computer. The comments, despite being primarily positive, have a couple of cruel, and poisonous words, and the thought of reading them one more time makes me want to puke.

I grab my coat, call a taxi, and head over to the clinic. It's time to see Zoe for the first time in..god knows..too long.