Diary of A Programmer (Completed)

Chapter 19: Therapy

Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are products of the author's imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events or locales or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.

February 23,2023

Have you felt like your life has been different from what you think all along? Because I am, especially when I arranged therapy to see a psychologist for the first time, people around that clinic weren't even shocked to see me there.

It felt like it was normal for them to see me around there. But anyway, I am not here to describe what their stares or glances look like. I'm here to inform you what the first thing a psychologist does to me when I first visit her clinic. The name of the psychologist is Ms. Therese Pablo...

At first, I thought she was going to perform therapy immediately. But I was shocked that she was just listening and trying to share and impart something with every story I told her. It seems to me that she's trying to be close to me and make me comfortable with her first.

Maybe to build rapport and trust, because how can she even heal me if I don't even know her?

She succeeded in making me comfortable and slowly built a rapport with me. We didn't even notice that we were talking for, like, two hours. But of course, as we go deeper, I try telling her everything suspicious about my memories. She said she could not diagnose my situation immediately because it was her first time seeing me as her patient. Of course, my mind couldn't process at first what she meant, but as I was writing my diary now... I suddenly realized the double meaning behind it.

Now that I realized what she meant... I suddenly wanted to ask, what was I when we first met? Because she's saying... It was her first time seeing me as her patient. Which means we've seen each other before but not as her patient.

Now I don't even know if I am just overthinking things or if my hunch is right. Even the glances of people around that clinic seem like they're used to seeing me. But why don't I even remember going there? Or maybe it is because of my temporary amnesia back then? I don't know what's happening; I'm also confused.

I felt like there was a big part of me that I don't even have an idea what it is. I'm scared, puzzled, and worried about how I was in the past.I kept asking my parents and sister Vien if they had an idea, but even then, they couldn't answer me. Ever since that New Year celebration, they stopped contacting me; if they contact me, it's limited.

I also stopped seeing Mikhael and Sir Renz on campus for almost a month now. I don't know what has gone wrong or where they are. I feel so alone for the first time; I don't know why I keep on losing track of people. If it weren't for Ms. Therese, I would completely assume the people I rely on completely left me.

I've been talking to Ms. Therese, and once in a while, she will ask me if I'm up for a therapy session. But she still can't tell what my condition is or if I have the condition.

But I hope one day I'll be able to retrieve everything back, my memories. Whether it is happy or heart-wrenching, even if my fragile heart cannot bear it. I'll gladly accept it because I'd rather remember those and reminisce about it all than feel completely indifferent about myself for my whole life.

Because it feels like I lost my sense of identity, which scares me the most. Aside from death, one thing that I am really afraid of is losing my real identity. Of course, change is inevitable, but it's only applicable if the change is your choice, not because you forgot your past self. That is why you act so differently.
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Author's Note: the story is slowly unveiled as we go from the 3 next chapters, what do you think guys? What's Ms.Therese's part of the story? And why did they avoid her all of a sudden?