Bright Flame, Deep Shadow (lesbian story)

Hestia

My fingers shake as I raise my fist to Ardyan's door. Some passing boys hoot suggestively—what other reason could a girl have for being in the boys' keep?—but that's not why I'm nervous. I hesitate, my hand hanging there in the air stupidly. I came for answers, but I don't know if I really want them. It doesn't matter, I decide. I don't want to know where he's been disappearing to—I have to know. We can't go on like this. I knock three times.

Ardyan answers immediately. His face lights up when he sees me, and he runs his hand through his hair, which is fluffy from the bath house. "Hestia, hi! What are you doing here?"

"We need to talk."

His smile vanishes, not that it ever reached his eyes in the first place. "Uh, sure. About what?"

I gesture to his room—he's still blocking the door. "Nothing we can discuss out here," I tell him in my best impression of a woman who's smart enough to get what she wants. I think it works, because I realise that I've drawn myself up to my full height so that I'm almost as tall as Ardyan.

He nods silently, and steps aside so I can go into his tiny bedroom, away from eavesdroppers. If anyone overhears us, everything we say will be around the school in an hour.

I sit down on his bed with my hands in my lap, and he straddles the desk chair opposite. I stare him down for a moment. "Where were you earlier?" My voice is deadly quiet and I take care to pronounce every word.

"I..." Ardyan licks his lips, wringing his hands together. "I had to—I was seeing someone."

It feels like my stomach's dropped to the floor. "You are cheating on me," I whisper. The words feel like gravel in my throat. "Arabella said—but she was just—are you seeing Arabella?" I fight to keep my voice quiet. I had thought maybe he still had feelings for Flick—that would have been easier to deal with—but the daughter of the landlord of Ashgate Workhouse?

"No!" Ardyan cries, leaping out of his chair. I flinch away, but Ardyan turns away from me. "You're jumping to conclusions, Hestia," he mutters. He walks to the window and stands with his hands behind his back, staring past a dollop of crusty bird shit to glare at the forest. I'm sure he thinks he looks like some great general. His shoulders sag as he sighs. "If I tell you what I am doing, you must not tell a soul."

Dread settles in my stomach like a block of ice. Suddenly, I'd rather he was cheating on me. "What have you done?" I whisper.

Ardyan takes a long breath, like he's about to jump into deep water. "There is a man out there, named Davorin," he begins.

I sit there, frozen with horror, as Ardyan tells me everything—about Davorin with his metal hands and his dragon; about the massive library under our feet; about the one book Ardyan has to search it for; about the shadow creatures trapped under the groundskeeper's shed; and then, worst of all, how Professor Aelst, the physics teacher, spotted him outside the castle wall this afternoon, when he thought everyone would be occupied with Flick's graduation ceremony so it would be safe to visit the archive in daylight.

"Did she see you going to the shed?" I ask, my voice small.

Ardyan's shoulders sag. "I don't know. I think...maybe..." He rubs the bridge of his nose, gazing back at the forest. "I think Aelst knows something's wrong." His voice is far too calm. "I'm going to carry on going at night, as if nothing's happened. I won't fail Davorin."

I get up and stand next to him, twining my fingers with his because it's the only thing I can do to stop mine from shaking. Ardyan's jaw is taut like a bowstring, and I know nothing I can say will stop him now. It never does, when he gets that look about him.

Something will stop him, though. Professor Aelst will go to Tanvik. If what Ardyan says is true, Tanvik had Davorin's arms off for getting involved in whatever this document is about. Ardyan is in much, much deeper than Davorin was. How far will Tanvik go to protect whatever secret lies beneath us?

Ardyan starts tracing slow circles over the back of my hand with his thumb, and I realise I would do absolutely anything to protect him.

Even if I must hurt others.

Even if my entire soul will be turned into one of those shadow creatures, so I will never rest.

Even if I must betray one of my own classmates.

I will do what it takes to buy Ardyan a little more time.