Redemption

AS MUCH AS I HATE IT

I left my truck beneath the awning. There's people calling out for me to leave, security officers telling me it'll get towed, and all I'm worried about is the curly-haired girl being pulled out on a stretcher from the back of an ambulance. Their lights are still on, people are shouting, and I can't hear myself calling out for her anymore. Everything stopped when the paramedic told the doctor how many times he lost her on the way here.

There's a man shouting at his staff, making demands and telling them what he needs. I can hear the desperation. He's afraid he's going to lose her, but he doesn't understand. It won't hit him the way it hits us. If he loses a patient, I've lost the girl I've fallen in love with. The girl I've spent all day pushing away just to realize I might never get her back.

I dropped onto the sidewalk, watching her disappear between the sliding doors. There's a crow circling the building, making awful noises, and I think it's telling me that I could've prevented all of this. With the haunting tune echoing through the parking lot, I look at the cement below me and contemplate why I push away the people I love.

There's a girl who completely flipped my life around, she showed me unconditional love and happiness. She's currently in a hospital room, possibly fighting for her life, and I don't know if I'm ready to hear a doctor tell me she didn't make it. If this is a plan to make me choose differently, and start going after what I love, it was shit. Because if I walk away from this building without her, I'll spend the rest of my life walking alone.

"Carter!"

I barely lifted my head at the sound of Joey's voice. Her body drops beside mine, and within an instant, I'm wrapped in her arms. The red-headed girl's hand is rubbing my back, telling me everything is going to be okay. I want to believe her, but she doesn't know what I do. She doesn't know the paramedic said he lost her multiple times on the way here.

And I don't know how I'll explain it to Fletcher. I can hear him sniffling behind me. It sounds like a few years ago, when I woke up to the sound of him crying from nightmares about his dad. I'd know that sound from anywhere.

"We should go inside and see if we can get any updates."

Joey has this thing for being completely broken but still managing to hold it together, so everyone else has somebody strong to lean on. I admire it as much as I hate it.

I walked with her anyways.

I hated nothing more than walking into the waiting area of a hospital. Everyone's eyes divert to you, and they're analyzing your body to see if you've got a reason to be in the emergency room. They whisper about you and try to piece together what's wrong.

There's an older woman telling someone how I'm an asshole for not moving my truck, but she doesn't know what I've been through in the past hour, so I let it go. I do it because there are two things I'm good at: letting things go and pushing people away.

Fletcher looked at me with betrayal and confusion. Every time I catch him staring, he looks away. I can feel the tension between us. He's got something to say, but I know he's wondering if this is the time and place for it.

"Say it," I rest my elbows on the tops of my knees.

He pulled his hand away from his face. "How long?"

"How long what?"

"How long has this thing been going on between you and my sister?"

The bloodshot look in his eyes tells me to be careful with how I answer, but I'm past caring.

"Ever since she moved in," I looked ahead at Joey, who was fighting with the lady behind the counter.

"You weren't going to say anything?"

"Was it not obvious?"

"You're my best friend – "

"And I fell in love with your sister," I cut him off. "It wasn't the plan, but it happened, and I'm sorry you're upset about it. I'm not in the position to care right now."

I stood up from my chair. Every conversation ceased at the sound of the legs scraping the tile below. Joey's still yelling, and as her hands slam on the counter, I pull her away. There's tears streaming down her face, and she's accusing the woman of not caring.

"It's not her fault," I mumble. "She doesn't know anything, Joey."

She smacks my chest. "How are you so calm about this? She loved you and you pushed her away! You told her to go!"

"And I'll spend every second of my life apologizing, but fighting the lady at the front desk isn't going to make things any better."

"I'm looking for the family of Sawyer Price."

The man searching the lobby had blood on his lab coat. I searched the white fabric, not being able to tear my eyes away from it. All of it is from her. And as Fletcher's standing to talk to him, Joey's crying again.

"I'm her brother."

"Sawyer is stable," he breathed out. "There's a significant amount of damage to her throat, but there's no reason to undergo surgery. I'd be a little more worried if she wasn't breathing properly, but she is experiencing trouble talking."

"When can we see her?"

"Unfortunately, Sawyer requested no guests be allowed in her room," the doctor put a hand on Fletcher's shoulder. "I'm sorry."

Joey laced her hands with Fletcher's. "What is the extent of her injuries?"

The older man turned to Joey, letting out a sigh. "She's lucky to be alive."

I turned away from the conversation and pulled my phone out. There's a picture of me with Sawyer at the pizza parlor on my lock screen. I caught her in the middle of eating, and as much as she had begged me to take it off, I couldn't.

As I stepped outside, I tapped her contact. The dial tone haunted me. I knew she wouldn't answer, but I wanted to hear her voicemail. Anything to make me feel a little closer to the girl who didn't want visitors.

"Thank you for calling! I'm sorry to miss your call, but if you leave your number, I'll get back to you as soon as possible."

I waited for the beep before letting out a ragged breath. "Hey. I know you don't want anyone to come to see you, but I wish you weren't in there alone. I know I made a lot of mistakes, but I love you, and I really don't want you to go to New York. I'll take you with me. Wherever I go. It doesn't matter. There's no place worth going if you're not there. And if you don't want to, I'll be okay. I don't expect you to choose me, Sawyer. Not after everything I've done. We might only have 21,000 days left, don't waste them on things that don't make you happy."