This Love ✔️

This Letter

Is it too late to post this? Oh well *shrugs*

I stay locked up in my room for the next five days, refusing to see or speak to anyone. The only reason I leave my room is to go to the kitchen and grab something to eat.

It crosses my mind once or twice that I'm being selfish or over dramatic but then I remember that my senior prom is in two months, my graduation is in three months and then I'm off to college. All of these things are moments in my life that my mom is supposed to be there for. Not to mention when I get married or when I have children.

It's not like she was killed and was taken away from me. No, she walked, she walked away from me and out of my life. She made her decision to skip out on all of these moments when she got into her car. I think that makes it hurt so much more because I can feel the knife she stabbed into my back not just plunge but twist too.

I don't know how well my Dad is faring seeing as I haven't seen him in three days either. Bash let me know the other day that he was locked up in his room as well but I ignored him and make my way back up to my bedroom.

I've missed three days of school which would normally be outrageous for me but with my heart empty I don't see the point in caring any more.

Sarah has stayed as well as Martino and Nathan, all crowding on couches and the spare bedroom.

Bash however, I can hear him sing softly to me every night outside my door until I stop crying and eventually fall asleep. In the mornings I hear him wake up just outside my door and softly say, "Wake up Blondie. Today's going to be a better day."

And every day it is because I know just feet away is the man I love who will never leave me. He reads me The Things They Carried until his throat his sore and he's can't hold back the coughs anymore. He sings to me every night and tells me funny stories as the hours pass.

He never leaves me.

Eventually the time comes when my stomach is grumbling in the late hours of the night when everyone is asleep.

As quietly as I can I open my bedroom door and immediately see Bash lying on a bundle of blankets on the floor in front of me, acting as my guard dog. I smile softly, the first smile in days, and carefully step over his snoring form.

Once I reach the entry hallway I notice that all the pictures of our family have disappeared from the table. I frown at the empty space and continue on to the kitchen.

I'm surprised to find my sister sitting at the breakfast table, a notepad in front of her. I watch her scribble on it furiously in silence, just like I used to when I was little.

She only notices me when I open up the fridge and the light from inside illuminates half the kitchen.

"Oh hi there," she says softly, pushing away her notebook. I grab a bagel and a bottle of water on a mission to get back to my bedroom. "Come sit will you," she asks sweetly before I can make it out of the kitchen.

I turn back to her, seeing her tired eyes and I know instantly that she hasn't been getting any sleep. Reluctantly I trudge my feet over to her and slide into the bench across from her.

She offers me a sad smile that doesn't reach her eyes. "I'm glad you aren't starving yourself," she says while looking at the small bagel in my hands.

I rip off a piece and bring it my lips. "It's hard to eat," I admit, "but I know I have to."

"You read the letter right," she asks cautiously.

I guess Sarah was too busy sobbing into Nathan's chest to see me yank the paper from the floor and read it until I ran to my bedroom, thus locking myself in for the past five days.