The Hunger That Binds Us

꒷꒦˖♱Circus Beast｡🦇 ݁ ˖ִ ࣪꒷꒦

» Dirty Night Clowns - Chris Garnaeu «
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꒷꒦︶꒷꒦︶ ๋🦇 ݁ ˖ִ ࣪ ࣭ ⭑꒷꒦

Being alive for more than a simple hundred years was quite a burden on a soul. Especially if one's soul was trapped in a never aging body. Forced to stay young forever. Pretend that years of knowledge and experience they've been through are not really a thing. Some would call it a blessing but most only do that before truly tasting the pain of it.

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ Masai was a simple boy before it all went down. He had his studies and friends. A future written in a bright, bold pen. He surely was reaching for something good. Something greater. And then he fell sick.
‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ His father allowed something horrific to happen and since then, nothing was the same. Of course he tried to make it work. He was pretty much forced to. But how much can someone really achieve knowing that they lost the only thing they truly knew?

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ He was not a monster. Far from it. And Charlotte kept assuring him of that. But there were times he felt like all this was just empty words that were supposed to flood his brain and distract him from his real self.

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ "Masai, darling, you should eat before leaving." Charlotte peeked out of the kitchen, a little cream hand towel hanging from her shoulder.

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ "I'm good, but thanks." He looked back with a little smile, fixing up his coat.

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ She was like a mother he never had. Caring, loving, protective. She was everything he really needed in this cruel world. But somehow it was not enough.
‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ His mind was hazy. Driven by the ideas poured into him by others. On days like this he really felt like he's not himself at all. He was no longer a part of Charlotte's family. He was no longer a part of Shadow's schemes. He was... Alone. Utterly alone and lost in the ideas of what he really should be.
‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ In a way he felt like a circus beast. Locked in a cage, forced to blindly follow orders and perform. Conditioned to rely on people and their customs. Unaware of its own nature. A beast like that dies in a matter of days once set free.

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ "You won't be able to eat at Hiei's and I haven't seen you eat in weeks. Masai you can't starve yourself."

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ "I'm not starving myself, Charlotte." He sighs, taking a step back into the living room and turns towards the woman with a little smile. "I'll come back tonight, ok? I'll tell Hiei that I'm meeting up with friends. We can eat dinner together like we used to."

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ Charlotte pondered for a moment before stepping out of the kitchen and bringing the man into her arms, hugging him tightly. It was not a common custom between them. Elaris was not known for asking for physical affection from his patrons or friends. Hell, for all they all knew, he never once was in love or interested in anyone physically. He was as set back from any "norms" as possible. But it didn't bother them. Because why would it?

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ "You're so old yet you're such a kid." She huffs, squeezing him a little tighter, her chin resting on his shoulder.

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ "I'll always be a kid in your eyes, Charlotte."

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ "My kid." She pulled away, grabbing his arms with a little smile, her lips pressed into a thin line. "I'll see you tonight. And you better bring some nice stories from your lectures."

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ Truth was, Elaris didn't want to come back and eat with them. He didn't want to look Alusar in the eyes and pretend like he hadn't heard of yet another mysterious murder that could've gotten them all killed if someone persistent and superstitious enough decided to investigate the case. He didn't want to listen about all their troubles and their next destination. They've been in London for less than a year and he really wasn't ready to think about moving away.
‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ Charlotte was right. Despite all these years he was just a damn kid deep inside. A kid that desperately wanted to hold onto the things he knew. A kid that needed to find himself. A kid that lost the light at the end of the tunnel and now was lost in the darkness of it all.

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ But he would never say it out loud.

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ In their eyes he was simply being moody. Perhaps a professor got on his nerves. Or maybe those murders were bothering him more than he ever said. It was all lies. All fillers for the real story but he was fine with that. After all, the less he worried them now, the less guilty he needed to feel overall.

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ He kept his head low, sun peaking between the gray clouds hurting his eyes greatly. Not even mentioning the itching and scorching he felt all over his skin. If he could, clawing every last bit of his skin off sounded like a fantastic release. But now all he had were cigarettes and black coffee. Anything strong to keep his mind off of the pain.

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ "Fuck, sorry." A soft voice rang in his ears.

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ The following scene took place before his eyes: A pretty girl rushed down the courtyard, a pile of books in her arms and a not so pretty boy deliberately placed himself in her way. Of course from her perspective it looked like an accident she caused. From what Elaris knew, that guy just tried to make her feel guilty enough to bait her into a date.

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ And he succeeded.

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ "Pathetic." Elaris muttered to himself, looking back down at the screen of his phone.

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ He never understood the chase. The need and want. He could've guessed that not being miserably alone must have been nice but was it really the ultimate goal? He never met a person that made him believe so.
‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ In all honesty, he never paid attention to people in that way. Most of those he met, he treated them like family. So was there really anything else he should've been looking for in people?

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ Although he must have admitted, the girl in the scene was so far the prettiest of them all. And with two hundred years of experience he had at least something to say on that.

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ She deserved far better than a pathetic guy and his even more pathetic games.

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ And that was a reasonable thing to think, right?

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ──★ ˙🍓 ̟ !!