Tilly's POV
Sitting here, i look out of the window into the woods, knowing that I have made my decision. All I have to do is tell my grandparents. A tear slips down my cheek. I have been sitting here for an hour or more with the mantra going through my head. Keep it together, girl! I'm trying, I really am.
I booked a ticket online to Australia for the day after tomorrow.
I already handed my notice in at the coffee shop. I've always loved the smell of coffee and the designs that can be made.
With the money left to me by my parents who have passed away I have already purchased a small cottage deep within the forest, I love my grandparents and don't want them to know what I'm going through!, I don't want to be a burden to them that's why I need to leave it's getting harder to be happy.
More tears roll down my cheeks in the bathroom. I pick up the razor blade that I keep in the cabinet , dragging it down my arm .
I watch the blood flow down into the sink. I run my arm under the cold water, my arm already starting to heal, but there is still a red raised line where I cut.
Stripping out of my clothes, I get into the shower. with the water beating down on me, I cry.
"For god's sake, stop crying, Tilly!" I tell myself, it doesn't work it makes me want to make cry harder. Finishing my shower, I get out, standing in front of the mirror. I comb my long brown hair. Put on a long dress but it has short sleeves so I need my cardigan, in the bathroom I make sure the sink is clean, picking up the dirty clothes I go downstairs and put them in the washing machine.
Making a cup of coffee, I sit at the table. I hear my grandparents come in
"Tilly"
"I'm in the kitchen, grandma." they come in. I stand up as grandma comes up and pulls me into a hug. I squeeze back.
"You ok? you look a little pale!"
"I'm ok, grandma." I kiss her cheek, and my grandpa grabs me into a hug
"Morning angel"
"Morning grandpa"
"We have just been over to see Mr And Mrs Owens Martha is not well so I'm going to make them some food Arthur can't cook!."
"That's nice, grandma. I'll help you, but first, can we talk?"
"Of course darling,"
we sit at the dining table.
I grab their hands
"You know how much I love you both, and I can never repay you what you have done for me! ,I have made a decision and I hope you will support me.
I have booked a ticket to Australia for the day after tomorrow." taking a deep breath."I want to go and live there. I have already brought a home I would like to get out into the world. " I smile and wipe a tear away from grandma's eyes. "I would like to go with your blessing. You will see me again. I'll call every day, and you will see me. We can even Skype. "
"Honey, if it's really what you want," his voice cracks. I get up and go to him. I hold him. I love him so much that he took on the role of my dad. Going to grandma, I hold her as tears are streaming down her face. I love this woman. I hate that I have made them cry, but it's for the best they will be ok. My grandparents are a very well liked couple. It would be so easy to tell them I'm finding it hard, to fall apart but they don't deserve that I want them to know they have raised a strong independent woman not this weak pathetic excuse of a woman I feel I am.
"We will support you, honey, and we will see each other." My grandma takes my hand. "it would be selfish of us to ask you to stay,"
"Grandma, you are not selfish. Please don't talk like that." I feel a tear slide down my face. Grandma is the one to wipe it away. I have to get away. "Do you mind if I go for a run?"
"No dear, I'm going to start cooking some food for Martha and Arthur. You go for your run go on." I kiss them both on the cheek and make my way out back.
Our home backs out into the woods. I strip out of my clothes and put them by a tree.
Picturing my wolf I feel feel my bones crack then I'm on all four running through the woods I love the feel of the wind going through my fur, Alice my wolf is a white wolf with brown paws.
"I'm sorry, Alice."
"Why?"
"I feel you got a bad deal being stuck with me,"
"Don't be, I'm not. We have each other,"
"I love you,"
"I love you to, are you sure about moving away?"
"Yes, I need to."
"I'm with you,"
"Thank you."
My grandparents my wolf, are the reason I have not taken my life, and I have not ended this pain. I feel every day. They mean everything to me. I run faster, push myself as hard as I can when I start to get tired. I sit by the lake and take a drink, and I will miss this place. The moon shines high in the sky I howl at the moon. Heading back to the garden, I changed and put my clothes on. In the kitchen, grandma is at the cooker, and Grandpa is sitting at the table. I sit down, and it makes me feel worse that I have upset them. "I'm sorry I upset you,"
"Oh honey no no we are not upset, we will miss you if this is what you want. We are happy for you . Have you started packing yet?"
"No, I wanted to talk to you first,"
"Go pack. I'll call you when dinner is ready. Maybe we could look at the house you brought later."
"Yes, of course I have pictures of it all."
Upstairs I look around the room this will be the last time I see it like this, shaking my head I start to pack my things a part of me does not want to go but the other part tells me I must. I keep packing until grandma calls me. In the kitchen the food smells delicious. Grandma serves me up a plate of stew.
"This smells delicious and looks great" I pick up my fork and dig in I will miss her cooking I will miss the smell of grandpas aftershave, I start to tear up and I blink them away. After dinner, I wash up and get my laptop. In the living room, I sit between them and pull up the pictures we spend about an hour going over them. Feeling tired, I kissed them both and went to my room.
Sitting in the chair by the window, I look out into the woods. I really will miss this place. Putting my pyjamas on, I climb into bed.
