Chapter #28: Heart Break and Rain


He turned to look at me, and I focused my eyes on the small rain drops hitting the side of his face roughly, the cigarette smoke clouding behind his head, making my entire gaze focus on his face. I felt my face cower beneath his steady gaze. I'd said sorry too much but it was hard to say anything else, knowing that everything that was going wrong was all your fault.

"I'm sorry I kissed Asher. I want you to know he's got nothing on you, and you have the total right to hate me or walk away. I can explain myself but I don't think not giving you the space you need right now will help this situation," my voice was shaky and indifferent. "So I'm choosing to walk away, and when you are able to look at me the same, call me and I'll be over in a heart beat. For now, you can stay in my apartment, do whatever, I'm just going to leave for a bit."

He didn't say anything, nor remove the nasty glare that's been over taking his face for the past ten minutes. My heart was pounding as I spoke the words I'd never wanted to say in my life. I waited, my body frozen in one spot, just waiting for him to say a word. He always said something, always stood up or stopped me, but this time, he didn't even flinch. Right there, I knew it was the end. He slowly turned his face away, looking back at the view from the balcony, the lightning not even making him budge. He didn't even seem phased by my words.

I whispered a very soft 'okay', and slid the balcony door, walking back in drenched, drips of water trailing behind me and clinging to every inch of my sweater. As I closed the door of my own apartment behind me, the tears made their tingling way to my eyes, threatening to pour. I walked down the corridor, staring at each tile below me. They dragged on slowly, and as the sun set and the sky neared black, I found myself wandering the streets aimlessly, tears unfaltering but there and visible; hoodie drenched to the core.

You know that feeling, where your eyes tingle and burn with tears that you're trying so hard to hold in? That feeling where they're almost like sizzling in your eye lids yet you can't dare let them pour? That was my situation as I walked on and on, holding them in as much as I could muster. My hair was cold against my face and forehead, but I had no muscle in my body to move it or fix it.

I found myself in the busy walkways of Downtown, the big buildings that Evan was staring at from the balcony were now by my side, standing much bigger by me, giving me chills. It was slightly crowded, people on their way back or to clubs, and the rushing buzz of the city. The fact that this was the first break up I'd went through, especially with the love of my life, was killing me. The tears that were floating were now aggressively pouring down my cheeks, the feeling so different. The rain was making them invisible, hiding every broken tear that ran down my face. Every feeling I'd felt in my entire life was nothing compared to this heart break. It took me a while to acknowledge that I'd walked away, and the more I tried to distract myself, the harder I'd begin to cry.

It was my fault, and I was to blame. I was a list of words that couldn't be spoken because they're so vulgar, and they all repeated in my head. Kissing Asher was cheating, and on top of that, the abortion of the child we'd made through our love. My immaturity, getting drunk. It was all just flashing through my mind, and I didn't believe that anything would be okay after this.

I had no friends, Veronica was gone for months, and I hadn't seen her in such a long time. I missed her huge fluffy red hair, and her retorts and silly vibes. I missed running around with her- she was a good roommate and I shouldn't have gotten mad for her reaction. Everyone's morals and beliefs were different and although she looked at me differently because of my choices, I shouldn't have let her walk away.

Bad Boys Aren't Forever (SEQUEL to The Bad Boy Saved My Life) #Wattys2016Read this story for FREE!