Redemption

IT'S OKAY TO WANT TO BE LOVED

I watched Sawyer knock the game-winning shot over the net. There was a panicked look on her face as she turned towards the girls shouting in excitement. She watched them shoot into the air with excitement, but all she could do was smile as the crowd erupted in cheers.

I saw her smile so much I could tell when it wasn't genuine like now when she's kicking her legs back and forth beneath the table she's sitting at with Tory. He thinks she's interested in listening to whatever he has to say, but she's faking her happiness. But she won't stop listening. Because if Sawyer is good at anything, it's making others feel important.

"Are you okay?" Fletcher dragged me out of my thoughts.

I looked down at the empty cup in my hands, realizing it was crumpled into a pile of nothing.

"Yeah," I released my grip. "Everything's good."

No, everything's not good. I'm watching your sister on a date with some fucking idiot, and I wish it was me.

If it was me, I'd give her the chance to talk, unlike Tory. I wasn't as interested in telling her about my game-saving plays in football. I wanted to know about her. Any piece of her that she was willing to give – I wanted to know about it.

He hasn't asked her about the game or how she felt making the game-winning shot. He just fucking kept talking about the punting record he broke.

I squeezed at the ends of my hair. As my leg bounced up and down, wanting nothing more than to stop their conversation, I felt Joey kick me beneath the table.

"What's your problem?"

I hadn't realized Fletcher left for the bathroom. "Nothing."

"You're jealous, aren't you?"

"I'm leaving," I moved away from the wooden table. "I'll see you later."

"I thought you were so excited to come out tonight – "

"Fuck off, Joey."

"You can tell me, ya know? I'm already aware."

"Of what?"

"Your feelings for Sawyer."

My jaw clenched as I shook my head. "Don't."

"It's okay to want to be loved – "

"Fuck off," I snarled.

My therapist blamed how much I slept around on abandonment issues. They all said the same thing – my family trauma kept me searching for a good connection. I would continue my vicious cycles until I found it, but I stopped drinking months ago, and I haven't slept with anyone since Sawyer moved in.

It scared me to wonder why. So, I glanced one last time at the curly-haired girl smiling at Tory and I turned away. The rocks crunched beneath my feet as the same empty feeling filled my chest. I was never enough for my mom to stay – I'll never be enough for anyone else. Not even Sawyer.

I watched the leaves float around the gravel parking lot as I reached for my key fob. To my surprise, it didn't crumble between my fingers as I hit the button to unlock my truck.

"Hey!"

My fingers froze on the door handle. I thought I might've been hearing things, but I turned to find Sawyer coming toward me in her spandex shorts and a long-sleeved shirt. There's goosebumps rising on her brown skin. The wind doesn't help shake the cold.

"What're you doing?"

She pulled at the curls whipping in the air, trying to stop them from getting in the way of her sight.

"I wanted to make sure you were okay," she rubbed her arms. "I saw you leaving but you didn't say anything."

"Where's Tory?"

Her shoulders lifted and dropped. "I think at the table. Are you going home?"

"Yeah."

Her face twisted with disappointment as she cocked her head to the side. "Are you okay?"

"Why wouldn't I be?"

"You look upset," she fumbled with the edge of her sleeves.

I looked at the girl staring at me with concern and realized I wouldn't be the reason why she stopped herself from finding happiness. So, I popped the driver's side door open.

"I'll see you at home. Enjoy your date."

Something flashed in her eyes. It's as if she's trying to decide something, even if she already knows what she wants. Her head turned to look back at the table and the boy she had left behind until she directed her attention back to me.

"Can I come with you?"

"Why?"

"I don't have to," her face fell. "I can get a ride with someone else, but I'm really tired, and – "

"You can't listen to the same story about Taylor breaking the punting record?"

A weight lifted from her shoulders as she smiled. "Exactly."

"What're you gonna tell everyone?"

I watched her with amusement as she started coughing. "I don't feel so good."

My tongue swiped my bottom lip. "Get in the truck, pretty girl."

Her laughter filled the space around me as she followed me to the passenger side. Just before she could slip inside, I put my arm up to stop her. Sawyer's eyes searched for an answer without asking for one.

"Congratulations, Sawyer."

Her lips curled into her mouth as she fought off the smile tugging at the corner of her mouth.

"Thanks."

I pulled the seatbelt over her body, making sure it was secure. This was my job – to protect her whenever we were together. To make sure she's happy and warm.

"Can I ask you something?"

I nodded, leaning against the door. "Of course."

"Were you upset with me earlier? When Taylor said he saw me in practice?"

"I wasn't upset with you. I was jealous, Sawyer."

"Jealous? Why?"

"I wanted to see you training. I wanted to see you in practice – "

"What?"

"I want to be the person you tell everything to," I sighed. "When you get excited about something, I want to be the first person you think of telling."

"What made you think you weren't?"

I reached forward, hesitating to place my fingers beneath her chin, but she didn't ask me to stop. So, my knuckles grazed her skin and tilted her face to look up at me.

"I'm so amazed by everything you do," I murmured.

My thumb caressed her jaw, watching her sink into my touch. Her eyes flickered back and forth between mine. I wanted nothing more than to lean down and capture her lips with my own, but I cupped her cheek instead and stood there, admiring every inch of her face.

"I just want to be something to you, Sawyer. No matter what that may be. I'd do anything to be any sort of importance to your life."