One Piece Chronicles

Too Late To Go Back

(A/N)
This was based on a dream I had a week ago, so it'll be in first POV. Woke up crying and feeling depressed that I felt like absolute shit the entire day because I was also sick that time. I still feel like shit so I dunno haha whatever xD

Read at your own risk (??)
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Maybe this was all just too sudden.

Maybe I should really have thought things through.

Maybe if I hadn't been so useless in the first place, I wouldn't need to.

As I looked out the Thousand Sunny with a blank expression, I bit my lip to suppress the tears I have been holding in until now. The taste of blood didn't bother me so I licked it away, my tongue tracing my lower lip as I did.

I wanted to know why. Why couldn't I be useful to anyone? Why do I only get in the way?

I know it was selfish of me to ask for some company when everyone was busy fighting off the Marines, so I decided to sit here in the Crow's Nest and watch them as they fight.

Luffy's rubbery arms stretched out and knocked back a whole group of the enemy. His determined expression was clear in his eyes and he turned to face the ship, grinning at me like he knew I was watching him.

A small blush dusted my cheeks and I felt a little smile starting to form on my lips.

'Useless... Weak... Coward... Selfish... Ugly... Crybaby...'

Those words came flooding back to me like the plague and in an instant I felt all the bits of joy from seeing that wonderful smile of our captain disappear.

Just once, ONCE, I wanted to be useful to someone. Anyone. I thought that wish would be fulfilled after I joined this merry crew but... It turns out nothing has changed.

Luffy and the others had been kind to me. This crew was too kind... All I've ever done since I've gotten here was...

Did I... Even do anything...?

A tight feeling clutched at my chest and made it hard to breath all of a sudden. Hot tears flowed down and clouded my vision of the battle. "Luffy..." I whispered, although I knew he wouldn't hear me anyway. "I'm sorry... All of you deserve better than this... Better than me..."

Taking the rope I had brought with me earlier, I slipped my neck through the noose and took a deep breath.

Smiling softly, I whispered a quiet "Thank you" and...

...Jumped.

The pain was unbearable but I knew it would end quickly. Death would be waiting at my doorstep in a few seconds.

But...

I heard a familiar voice screaming my name.

It was Luffy.

His eyes widened at the sight in front of him. He couldn't move, too mortified to even flinch at what he saw.

Sanji, Franky, and Zoro rushed over to get me down, but I didn't want them to. I didn't want to come back to this reality. I wanted to be finally free.

Free from all this pain and sadness.

Luffy's arms stretched out and grabbed me, hoisting me up so my neck wouldn't be strangled by the rope anymore.

"No... Luffy... Let me die..." I managed to choke out as he pulled me into a tight hug.

His face looked angry and sad that I didn't want to look at him, but having no strength left in my body, I couldn't. My tears couldn't even blind me from him.

"(Name)..." Luffy murmured.

"I'm sorry... I... just wanted to... ease... your burdens..." I said weakly. My throat felt sore and dry from all the crying I did earlier.

"Why...?" Luffy's fingers dug into my skin, he bit his lip in order to keep himself from crying out loud.

"Luffy..."

"WHY DID YOU DO THIS?!" He screamed, pulling my body closer to his chest as he started crying silently. "WHY, (NAME), WHY?!"

I stood there in shock, unable to think of what to say.

The crew gathered around him with sad frowns, the atmosphere around us was heavy.

I looked around me and saw their eyes were cast down at Luffy and the body he held close to him.

It was then I knew...

Luffy couldn't hear me anymore... He never did... Because the moment I heard him scream my name...

I was already dead.