Time

20;

The time I had Christmas without Esther.

Madison Square Gardens was amazing but I was quickly smacked in the face with reality when Esther booked a flight out straight after so I could barely get the chance to speak with her.

It's now Christmas Eve and I haven't seen or been able to speak with Esther. She's avoided all calls and messages, and each time I've turned up to see her she's always been out or not answered the door.

I just wanted to give her her presents, say I'm sorry again and get her to forgive me.

I drove round to hers and knocked, Tracey was slightly annoyed when she saw it was me again.

"Just like a few hours ago, she doesn't want to see you H."

"I know but at least let me give her these?" I hold up the bag of Esther's presents.

"I can't," She sighs. "She'll only be annoyed with me for letting you in,"

I swallow and look away. I can't let this be the first Christmas in.. Forever that I've spent without her or at least seen her.

I sit on the step and take out a pen writing on some paper I found.

I know you hate me, but I miss you. Happy Christmas, even if it is spent without you. I love you Es, and I hate that you won't speak to me. I'll make this up to you, I promise. Enjoy the presents, and your day.

Love you

H .xxx

I slip the paper in the bag and hand it to Tracey. "Thanks,"

Tracey looks guilty and I knew it wasn't her fault. "You're welcome,"

"Happy Christmas, Trace."

"You too, sweet cheeks." I try to smile at the familiar nickname but I wasn't able to.

I head for my car and put it into drive, I look up to Esther's window and see her watching me. I wave but she quickly disappears from it. I wait a few seconds to see if she appears at the front door - but she doesn't.

She genuinely doesn't want to see me.

. . .

I had been in New York for New Years before flying with Taylor to the British Virgin Islands. It was great to get away and be in scorching temperatures in January but I had Esther in the back of my mind the entire time.

She hadn't been on social media either so it wasn't like I was able to check she was doing okay, she had hung out with Gemma and Lou, the boys saw her as well at Niall's New Years party - they said she apparently got really drunk which annoyed me because I'm usually the one to look after her when she's drunk, thankfully Liam made sure she drank water and slept.

"I'm in love with this place," Taylor smiled as we both lay on the beach.

"It is beautiful,"

Taylor turned on her side, her attention on me. She frowned as she picked her towel apart. "Are you okay?"

I nod looking over at her.

"You just seem distant or as if you're not enjoying yourself, I try and make it as easy as possible for you but.."

I shake my head, guilty that she felt this way. "I'm enjoying this, I'm enjoying being with you. I just.."

"Just, what?"

I sigh. "Esther won't talk to me. She won't return calls or messages.. I don't know what to do,"

Taylor is quiet. "Maybe just stop trying? If she can't get over herself and accept your apology then is she actually your friend?"

"She's my best friend, I broke our trend, I broke the promise."

"But you told me it was fine,"

"I thought it would be," I lie.

"I have a feeling you care more for Esther than you ever will for me,"

"I care for you both differently. She's my best friend, you're my girlfriend."

Taylor is quiet and I wasn't sure if I was happy about it; quiet either meant she had nothing left to say because she was happy with my answer or it meant she was annoyed with my answer and couldn't think of a response.

By the kiss on my lips it was the first option - she was happy.

The real question here is; am I happy?