Act Off Script | ✓

Chapter 21

chapter dedicated to aevi, emchae, cess and jhay :)

Chapter 21
. ₊ ⊹ . ₊˖ . ₊

I thought I was meant for greater things and I thought that by following what I thought I was good at. . .I would eventually find my purpose in this world; hindi pala gano'n ang tunay na mundo. Hindi pala ako nito hahayaan huminga kahit gaano ako kapagod. Hindi ako nito hahayaan maghilom kahit gaano kalalim ang mga sugat. Hindi ako nito hahayaan maging masaya nang hindi nararamdam ang hangganan ng lungkot.

I played with the sand on my feet as I walked through the seashore. Iniisip ko kung para ba talaga sa akin ang pagsusulat? Ang tagal ko na rin sa industriya pero bakit. . .parang nagsisimula pa rin ako? I have a few of my peaks, but I always feel inadequate to be great in this industry.

Hindi ko alam kung kaya ko pang magtagal dito. The only reason I'm still writing is because I have bills to pay, but the passion that I had for it was long lost already. Para na lang itong laruan na naka-display para ipaalala sa akin na naging mahilig ako rito noon.

My eyes stung as I thought about it. I used to be optimistic and hopeful. Kutyain man ako ng lahat, ipagtatanggol naman ako ng pagsusulat. Iwan man ako ng lahat, mauuwian ko ang pagsusulat. Talikuran man ako ng lahat, nand'yan ang pagsusulat para sa akin.

Kaya akala ko hindi ko kaya iwanan ang pagsusulat; it was the sole reminder that I was needed in this world. Yet, it's slowly turning into the dust of the past, I could no longer see myself writing for a long time.

Baka nga ito na ang huling beses na magsusulat ako. Para makabawi man lang kay Kiran. Pagkatapos nito ay titigil na rin ako. Hihinto na ako sa pangarap na mukhang ako lang din ang naniniwala.

"Athanacia."

Napalingon ako sa tumawag sa akin. Rien had his hands on the pockets of his beach shorts. Nakatanaw siya sa akin dahil medyo malayo ang agwat naming dalawa.

"Hmm? Ano 'yon?" I tried to smile and fought against the direction of the wind, my hair was dragged by its strength so I had to bow down a bit.

"Kakain na," he said.

I nodded once again and traipsed towards his direction. Naka-simpling puting sando at brown shorts lang ako, pero nagsuot na lang din ng balabal dahil medyo malamig ang simoy ng hangin ngayon.

"Do you have any input towards the plot of the script?" tanong sa akin ni Rien. "Kung di lang dahil sa malaki ang bayad sa akin, iisipin kong gumagawa lang si Kiran ng love story n'ya. A director and a writer. . .parang The Script of Us."

Malaki ang bayad sa kan'ya? Lalo akong nanglumo. . .I knew I was here to just guide him but I was sure I would be lucky to be paid half the amount of what they gave to him. It must be nice. . .to already have proven yourself in an industry that you've loved for a long time—bagay na hindi ko pa nagagawa.

And The Script of Us. . .

A familiar pang inside my chest happened when he uttered the first story that I've written as a script. The Script of Us was the official title of the script that I sold to Sir Pablo Bello. Magmula noon ay hindi na kami nagkausap pang muli. Hindi ko rin alam kung kaya ko pa siyang pakisamahan matapos ang pangyayari na 'yon.

"You like the movie?" I managed to tilt the direction of our conversation.

"Maganda naman . .pero malayo sa mga naunang sinulat ni Pablo Bello," he shrugged off. "I mean. . .the lines felt fresh like blooming flowers. Hindi gano'n ang style n'ya eh, but maybe he changed it for the movie? Hindi ko rin alam. Ikaw ba?"