Barricade- John Murphy

Chapter 12

Episode 11:
The Calm

It's been two days since they blew up the bridge. I've settled a bit more with people being near me. I'm still stuck to Murphy the most though. I was currently sitting and resting for a minute. I tried to help fix a loose log in the wall and freaked out when someone was behind me helping stabilize it.

I may or may not have freaked out and hit the person. Another kid also set the meat hut on fire, idiot. So now we have no meat. As I sat I heard my name a few times and looked to see Bellamy and Murphy talking. It looked pretty heated too.

"I get it she needs time. But don't tell me you know better for what she needs. You have no idea what Arty's going through." I catch Bellamy saying to Murphy and frown. "Bellamy you don't get it. You didn't see the fight and the fire in her eyes die out. You didn't have to watch what they did to her. I did. So don't tell me I don't know what she's going through." Murphy snaps at him.

I could have sworn he was near tears. I duck my head down when they look my way as my eyes sting. Those memories flash in my head like a horrible movie. I flinch when hands grab mine, ripping them away before my eyes meet Murphys. "You heard that didn't you?" He asks softly and I nod my head.

"Hey. Look at me. Don't let them make you cry anymore. They don't deserve to hold that power over you." He says wiping my cheeks gently. His fingers gently trail over the cut on my face that was slowly turning pink and scarring. "You are way too powerful to let some lowlifes like them, bring you down. Right?" He says giving me a smirk. I smile softly and nod my head.

"Exactly. You are so fucking strong Goddess. Strongest one here." He says and I blush now. "Shut up." I mumble. "He's not wrong. We don't know what you've been through. But whatever it is. You're strong because you fought to survive and get through it." Nate says and I look up.

Nate and the others had come to join us and I gave them smiles. "You guys don't have to say nice things for me to feel better." I mumble. "You have no idea the pull you have here Art. They listen to you more than me or your brother. Do you know the chaos we've endured when you were gone?" Clarke asks me and I shake my head.

"It got to the point of them asking Nate what to do. Because you weren't here. But he knew what you would do. So they asked him." She tells me and Nate nods. "She's not wrong. Never leave, I hated them asking me so many questions." He says shivering dramatically and I chuckle at him. "Ha! Told you I'd get her to laugh! Take that!" He cheers bragging to his brother.

I roll my eyes smiling at them as they start shoving and messing around. "Boys! Boys!" I yell and they turn to me. "Get back to work." I say and they run off. "See? If I tried that. They'd stare at me like an alien." Clarke says with a smile before she heads off as well. Murphy kisses my forehead slipping away as Octavia sits with me.

"Hey Tavi." I say with a small smile. "Are you gonna be okay?" She asks quietly. My smile falls a bit as I look down. "Not right away. But with time I think I will be. I have all of you with me." I smile grabbing her hand. She smiles and I see tears in her eyes when she looks at me. "Tavi what's wrong?" I ask her softly.

"Arty, I am so sorry. We're twins, but I haven't been acting like one. I'm gonna do better okay? For you. I'll do better." She tells me sniffling. "You shouldn't do better just for me. Do it for yourself too." I tell her and she smiles nodding her head. "Whenever you're ready to talk. I'll be here." She tells me and I nod leaning to give her a quick hug. I wasn't okay with touching people. But my twin I could sacrifice a bit of comfort for.

"So. Who's this Lincoln guy? Clarke mentioned him earlier." I ask her and she blushes. "So, the day after you guys were gone. Bell went to get rid of the radio in Raven's pod. I went after him and we argued. On my way back, I fell down this hill. Lincoln found me and took me to the cave he was staying in. He healed my leg and ended up saving me from getting speared." She starts off and I nod.

"Okay. Like him a little bit I guess." I mumble and she chuckles. "That night. Bell and the others came and found me. They knocked him out, but he came to pretty quick and stabbed Finn. Bell and a few guys knocked him out again and brought him back here." She tells me and I frown. "Don't tell me whatever they did. Please." I plead, picking at the skin around my fingers.

"I won't. I helped him escape. A few days before you guys came back, we set up a meeting to try and make a truce. It didn't end well, and a war started. You guys came back, and here we are." She tells me and I sigh. "That sounds insane. Is it bad I'm glad I missed some of that?" I ask with a grin and she laughs.

"Well, whatever happens now? We have you to boss us around." She says nudging me. "Hey. What should we do? The shed with the meat was all our food." Miller says coming over and kneeling a bit in front of me. "Why are you asking me?" I ask confused. "Arty. Clarke wasn't lying. They look to you, not them." Tavi smiles as she gets up.

She walked over to Bellamy who was watching us. As I talk to Miller about hunting groups, I still hear them talking. "She's our sister Bell. No matter how much she argues, and makes you mad. Let her lead the people. We can all clearly see they want her opinions. No matter what you or Clarke say." I hear Octavia say and blush.

"Okay. Uh... groups of at least two. No more than three. At least one person per group has a gun. Don't use the bullets for hunting though. Only for enemies." I tell him. He nods and gets up heading to tell everyone else. Murphy walks over and plops down next to me. "Quite the leader you are Goddess." He grins at me.

"Shut up." I smile nudging him. He carefully wraps an arm around my shoulder. I shift, leaning into his arms, my head falling onto his shoulder. His head lays on top of mine gently. "I'm so damn proud of you." He mutters softly. I smile softly at that. As everyone leaves, I make sure they all are properly equipped.

I sit with those who didn't go, trying to keep my mind busy. It didn't work, and flashes and memories filled my head. I get up heading into the dropship quickly, earning some looks no doubt. I squeezed myself into a corner where I wasn't easily noticed, but I could see the whole room.

I try and coach myself through a few breaths and end up failing as it gets worse. "Arty? Where are you?" Murphy calls walking in. I try to speak, but my shitty breathing stops me. "Goddess? The others told me you came in here. Where are you?" He asks starting to walk the room looking for me.

As my breathing gets worse I finally close my hand around something on the floor next to me. I weakly toss it, but it gets his attention. His eyes widen when he spots me and he runs over. "Hey. Hey. It's okay. Breathe. Come here." He says pulling me out of the corner. He sits on the floor with me as my chest starts to hurt.

"Arty... Goddess look at me. Show me those pretty eyes. Come on." He urges me. Tears spring to my eyes as I still struggle, but they finally meet his. "Good. Good job. Hey, copy my breathing. In and out." He says putting one of my hands over his heart. "In... and out." He coaches me over and over.

Slowly, my breathing slows and gets easier. When I finally get my breathing back to normal I slump into his chest and he holds me tightly. "Fuck... you scared the shit out of me." He mumbles kissing my head. "Sorry." I sniffle wiping my face. "Don't apologize. What happened?" He asks gently.

"I didn't have anything to do. I just.. got too into my head. My thoughts wandered." I say sniffling. "Alright. So we find you things to do. Keep you busy until you're ready to work through that shit." He says and I hum. "What if I'm never ready?" I ask weakly. "You will be eventually. It will just take time." He says as we sit together, just relaxing.