Redemption

CONGRATULATIONS SAWYER

Thunder rattled the house, waking me from a sleep I didn't know I'd fallen into. Light flashed over my eyes, and had that not been enough to wake me, the cool breeze blowing through the open window was. I slipped further beneath the blanket draped over my body, trying to hide myself from the storm brewing outside. The white curtains whipped furiously from the wind, and that's when I realized I was still in Carter's room.

I felt a few droplets of water hit my face from how harshly the rain pelted the windowpane. I lay there, listening to the sound for a few seconds. Whenever the lightning lit up the sky, I could see the trees towering over the house. Their leaves danced with the rain, moving with the most pretty melody.

The sky cried but its tears brought joy to the flowers. There's always a bigger picture to our suffering. We don't deserve it, but we can't run from it, and when the rain falls, it makes me think it's washing away the pain. It gives us a chance to start over.

The creaking door stole my attention away from the storm. I looked up from my spot on Carter's bed to find him walking into the bedroom.

"I'm sorry I didn't wake you," he murmured. "You looked comfortable."

I rubbed my eyes. "I'm sorry for falling asleep on your bed."

"Don't be sorry. I'm just happy you felt safe enough to do so."

I never questioned my safety around Carter. I guess I've never been in a situation where I had to, and after saying that, I realized I fell asleep without questioning it first.

"It's almost midnight," he cleared his throat. "And you already got a response from your application."

I sat up so quickly I made myself dizzy. There'd barely been any time between submission and now. It seemed impossible, but Kirk made it clear that he'd put in a good word. I didn't expect it to make that much of a difference.

He opened his laptop, revealing the acceptance letter. My lips twisted into a smile big enough for my cheeks to ache. I stared at the boy waiting behind the laptop with such happiness that I didn't need to tell him I got accepted. He already knew.

He told me to stop thanking him, but all of this was possible because of him. In a previous conversation, I expressed how unworthy I felt attending college as if it wouldn't serve much of a purpose in my life. Now I'm realizing I've only been afraid of college because it meant moving on from my old life and I never thought I'd make it here, to begin with.

I never thought I'd get the choice.

All of the excitement left my body at the sound of Carter's laptop slamming shut. I felt my heartbeat accelerating as I looked up at the man sitting before me with his arms wide open.

"Sawyer, I didn't mean to scare you."

I clutched the sheets tighter. "I'm okay.'

"You don't have to lie," he mumbled. "I saw you jump."

"I get scared easily."

He cleared his throat, shaking any of the emotion from his voice. "Can I try something?"

I nodded. My senses were on high alert. I watched him lift his hand up, stopping just before my face. His fingers opened, exposing his palm to me. My heart raced as I prepared for something I was never for, and my eyes shut as I promised myself this wasn't a situation where I'd need to beg for mercy. He isn't my father.

"Celebratory high five?"

I stared at his hand. I'm not sure how long he held it there or how long we sat in silence. If I touched him, I'd hurt his feelings because I'm not sure I'd ever do it again. I'm facing the same outcome if I don't. But he left the decision up to me, so right before he pulled away, I reached up and quickly connected our hands.

My breath hitched as his eyes flickered up to mine before his fingers slid down my palm, tickling me. I held back a smile as he traced the outline of my hand. His cautious touch made my eyes flutter shut. As much as I wanted to watch him, I gave in to the feeling of his skin against mine.

"Sawer!"

Joey's voice echoed through the house, pulling me away from my thoughts. I looked between Carter and the doorway before slipping off his bed.

"Wait!"

I slipped behind my bedroom door. Before he could reach me, I twisted the lock. Regret filled my body as the floor on the other side creaked.

"Sawyer, please," his voice cracked. "Come out and talk to me."

I've been on a rollercoaster. There have been twists and turns I didn't see coming. Highs and lows I wasn't expecting. I tried to put my arms in the air and enjoy the ride, but I concluded that what happened back at Hell House would always stick with me. It makes me regret my choices and question everyone's intentions.

That's why I ran away.

I touched him and in fear I found myself enjoying something that used to bring me pain. All I've known is hurt. I put my trust in to my father. The man who was supposed to protect me from the world and the people who wanted to hurt me. He turned out to do the opposite.

It's not the mistrust that leads me to be afraid of Carter. It's that I enjoyed feeling his skin against mine. Something I've avoided in fear is something I want to try again.

"Don't shut me out," he pleaded. "I won't ask you to do that again. Just, please, talk to me."

I slid down against the door, trying to ignore him as I relived the moment we spent on his bed, but I heard the crack in his voice when he spoke.

"Congratulations, Sawyer."