Redemption

I WANT YOU TO LIKE ME

We're on hour two of filling out my college application. When I asked Carter how normal it was to spend this long on something so small, he said it wasn't. He said he made mistakes, though. He explained how important it is to eat while thinking about your future, and what originally went from just pizza to pizza, garlic knots, and chocolate chip cookies.

I tried focusing on my application, but the overhead light kicked on, emitting a dark orange. Someone outside would see his sheer white curtains drifting in the wind and think they've caught on fire.

It's not enough light to read beneath. It's still dark but there's an ambience to it that made me stop him from turning it off. He said it's timed, so it'll turn on at a specific point every day.

Once I finally hit submit, I realized I never got the chance to look around Carter's room. I knew he liked to read, but there's four floating shelves taking a majority of his space on the wall, full of different novels.

Carter leaned over me. "You finished already?"

I closed his laptop, placing it on the small table beside his bed. "I didn't have much left to do."

"You don't plan on leaving do you? I mean unless you want to."

"Of course, I want to stay, but I – "

"Do not end that sentence with telling me you aren't sure if I wanted to spend time with you. We've already talked about this, Sawyer. If you need the reassurance, just ask," he leaned back against his headboard. "So, unless you're leaving my room to go put on something more comfortable then I suggest you do it because we haven't finished these cookies, and I saw a new movie I want to watch."

I did just that. I hurried to find something warm. The fuzzy socks Joey gave me made it difficult to walk on the hardwood floors, but as I went sliding into Carter's room, I realized they weren't all that bad.

"Oh," the tattooed footballer laughed. "Having fun, are we?"

"You've gotta get a pair of these," I giggled.

He slid off his bed, approaching his dresser, and tugging open the top drawer to dig out a pair of fuzzy socks.

Laughter burst from my lips at the man showing off his holiday socks with too many bells.

"Give me a twirl!"

He choked on his words. "What?"

"Give me a twirl," I begged. "I want you to get the full experience of fuzzy socks!"

His head moved back and forth as he got up from his bed. "You're ridiculous. I'm not spinning for you."

"Oh, why not?"

He rolled his eyes before throwing his arms out and slowly spinning. "Get up and join me, Sawyer."

"What? Absolutely not."

"Give me a twirl! I can't be the only one showing off my cool spin moves."

I scoffed, shaking my head. "That was not cool."

"I'm sorry, twirl police," he held his hands up. "But if you know what is and isn't cool, then prove yourself."

"Prove myself?"

"Unless you want me to twirl you?"

I didn't know what he meant until he leant out his hand for me to take. I stared at his tattooed hand, knowing the happiness was slowly dwindling. When I shook my head back and forth, unsure of what to say, he backed away with nothing but confusion swirling in his brown eyes.

He walked away without saying a word. While he sat on his bed, I wondered how quickly I could make it out of his bedroom before he tried stopping me. All I needed to do was make up a horrible excuse or hope I wouldn't slip if I tried to run.

He didn't waste time killing the silence. "I'm sorry."

"I don't like physical touch."

His head snapped to look at me. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"Talk about how I don't like to be touched? It's not something I can explain."

"Well, if you ever figure out a way to explain it, I'm here to listen."

"Okay," I whispered.

"Please, tell me you're staying to watch this movie with me."

"You want me to?"

"If you need constant reassurance, I'll give it to you. Just ask. But yes, I want you to stay, Sawyer."

I didn't hesitate to slide next to him when he motioned toward the empty spot. He didn't say anything else about what happened. As if it didn't bother him at all, he searched for his movie. I liked that. Not that he forgot so easily, but that he asked if I wanted to talk about it, and moved on when I said no. He even said he'd listen if I wanted to bring it up again. I didn't know if I would, but I liked knowing I had the choice.

I rolled my head to the side, taking time to memorize his features when he looked most peaceful. I didn't understand how we got here. His friendship confused me as much as it lit up every part of my body.

"Thank you," I murmured. "For everything."

When he shifted to look at me, I felt the warmth of his breath against my face. His eyes scanned my face. For a minute, he said nothing until his eyebrows raised.

"You don't have to thank me for anything."

"Yes, I do," I shifted my body to turn toward him. "You're so kind to me, and I don't know why."

He didn't hesitate to twist sideways and focus his attention on me. "Because I like you and I want you to like me to."

"I do like you."

"Good," he smiled. "Just don't stop."