a reason to smile // seo changbin ✔️

chapter twenty-two

nothing can fix this

moon jieun - monday

i stayed home from university today. and honestly, i can't tell if i'm regretting it or not. sat on the couch as i watch my mom stack her suitcases by the door. my dad leaned up against the wall, his arms crossed over his chest, his expression unreadable.

i felt awful. i didn't know what to think. on one hand, my father was cheating on my mother. and on the other, my mother planned to leave without so much as a goodbye to both me and my father. i couldn't figure out who was more in the wrong here. i would say both of them in their own way, but it hurt more that my mom was leaving. plopping her purse atop her suitcase with a huff, she turns to face my dad and i.

"that's the last of it." she tells us, motioning to her bags. i chew on the inside of my cheek, fixing my gaze to the floor.

"i'll put it in the car." my dad states, pushing himself off the wall as he starts gathering her things and carrying them out to her car without another word. his tone was solemn, as if he was as upset as i was over this.

"jieun..." my mom calls out, her tone soft.

"what." i deadpan, not bothering to lift my gaze to hers.

"i... i just wish you would understand why i'm doing this..."

"i get it, mom. leaving dad i get it. i just don't get leaving me. i don't understand how you could stomach leaving a child behind." i look up, her gaze conflicted.

"you told me that you would be fine—"

"if you left dad, yes. but you're leaving me too. you're going to a different country, for gods sake! and you weren't even going to tell me."

"i— i know it was a mistake to keep it from you, it's just... i didn't want to have to say goodbye..."

"well look where that got you." i scoff, leaning back against the couch cushion.

"i really am sorry, jieun... i never... i never wanted to hurt you."

"all packed." my dad comes back in, handing my mom the car keys.

"i have to leave now... to catch my flight." i knew she was talking to me. wanting me to hug her, to tell her goodbye, but i couldn't bring myself to get off the couch. "i love you, jieun... i'll text when i've landed..." her voice wavers slightly, but she still leaves. the door shutting behind her. leaving me. she was leaving me. my dad awkwardly clears his throat, and i look up to see him rubbing the nape of his neck.

"i'm really sorry... about all of this, jieun." he moves to crouch in front of me, pushing a lock of hair behind my ear. "i'll never stop regretting what i did to your mom... and what that, in turn, did to you. but i'm going to do better, for you..." i could hear the sincerity of his words.

"a little late... don't you think..." i let out a humorless chuckle.

"i know. i really do... but you... you are my one and only priority. and i know it's gonna be hard around here without your mom, i'm gonna— try and work less hours at the office..."

"and your mistress?" i ask, a bitterness to my tone that i couldn't mask.

"gone. i swear it." he places a hand over his heart in promise. "i want to fix this." he motions between us. and it was true. our relationship had dwindled over the past few years. i grew closer with my mom because i always saw my dad as the traitor. but at least he wasn't the one who left me.

"okay." i nod my head. i had no interest in living in an awkward situation with an estranged father. so if he was willing to try, i would be too.

"thank you, jieun. i swear i'll make it up to you." he pats my knee and rises, straightening his tie. "call me if you need anything, i'll be back in time for dinner, okay?"

"okay." i reply, nodding my head. i was still coming to terms with everything. the fact that my mom won't be here anymore... it was definitely going to be different. and trying to restore my relationship with my dad... it would be no easy task. the door closes behind my dad, and i'm left alone in the house that suddenly feels a lot emptier than it usually does. my phone next to me vibrates.

changbin

how did everything go?

as good as it could have
gone.

my dad wants to try to fix
things with me.

that's good, are you
happy with that?

if he wants to try, i can do
the same.

and are you okay?

fine, i guess... it's just weird.

do you wanna have a
movie night?

jisung won't be in the dorm
tonight so it would just be us.

you want me to come to your
dorm?

if that's okay with you.

i think my dad is expecting
to have dinner with me.

after?

how about tomorrow night?

i just don't want my dad
thinking i'm trying to run away
or anything.

yeah, of course.

tomorrow night works for
me. :)

okay.

tomorrow night, then.

tomorrow night.

any snack requests?

i can make snack requests?

of course. what kind of host
would i be if i didn't offer
snacks?

in that case... i request popcorn,
and sweettarts.

wise choices.

anything else?

what movie are we watching?

whatever you prefer.

something funny?

a comedy it is.

lucky for you, i know the
perfect one.

do you, now?

i do.

i suppose i'll find out.

you shall.

i can't wait...

me neither. miss you.

i miss you, too.

-

i could feel my heart pounding against my chest as i read over our text exchange. a smile tugging on my lips. i've never felt this way about anyone, and it was honestly refreshing. any fear i had was slowly turning into excitement.

and somehow i knew that i was going to be okay.