Truth Be Told

nineteen

IN TRUE COLIN FASHION, he finds himself checking Google for answers. First, he'd searched for ways to debunk the feelings he'd been feeling, desperate for anything else that could explain them.

Unsurprisingly, there aren't a lot of helpful results for that. On the other hand, there were quite a lot of articles and forum discussions on topics like "liking someone you used to hate," "my childhood enemy confessed to me," "how to stop liking someone," and even "how to make your feelings disappear," although the last one seemed to be intended for people going through breakups.

Fortunately for him, Sadie has finally moved out of their apartment. That, at least, makes it easier for him to wrap his head around these new and confusing feelings. He's hoping, quite vehemently, for them to disappear now that he no longer has to exist around her too much.

He needs a game plan. Or maybe he needs to come to terms with the reality of his feelings for her. To have them make sense. After all, knowing the enemy is the first step to defeating it. Plus, being around someone–anyone–for too long, it's only natural to start growing attached to them, and it's highly likely for that to fade when you no longer have to interact with them so much.

Second, and probably more importantly, it's his lack of experience. He has never dated nor has he ever liked anyone for real. Sure, there had been pretty girls who caught his attention here and there, but never enough to have them consume his thoughts. It's not surprising, then, for someone like Colin to end up having feelings for the first girl to confess to him–even if said confession is a couple years too late.

Lastly, he could still be confusing his feelings of protectiveness for like. He'd spent weeks looking after Sadie, checking in on her without her noticing, making sure she's eating right and sleeping well. But then again, would the thought of her kissing Drew make him feel so bad if he was simply feeling protective?

It has been two weeks since Sadie moved out. He bumps into her from time to time, in between lectures and sometimes during lunch. Every single time, he pretends he hadn't seen her, sometimes not so subtly. He's also kept up with checking in on her classes in secret, ignoring the fluttery feeling in his stomach when he sees her face.

It's like he's transported back to freshman year, with him doing everything he can just to make sure they would never cross paths, except this time, it's more complicated. Now, it's like he's conflicted between wanting to see her and wanting to never, ever see her again.

He stays stuck in this limbo phase of wanting something and wanting to not want it, and the days pass both quickly and excruciatingly slow.

Soon, it's time for Halloween–and they'll be spending it with Sadie.

He's only just starting to get used to her absence and he's not quite sure how he'll handle being around her again. He could make a lame excuse and not go with them. He might just reinstall League of Legends and play with shitty frames on his laptop–which is a horror that might just be apt for Halloween.

He could do that, but he doesn't.

Despite all his musings, the truth is that he wants to be around her again. Even if it's just for this night.

It might even help him, he justifies it to himself. Kinda like exposure therapy.

They decided against flashy costumes, knowing it will get in the way of laser tag. Perry dressed as Ken from Barbie, though they were still waiting for Sadie to get to the apartment so she can "contour his abs," whatever that meant. Drew went with jeans and a plain black tee with the print LIFE, and he has with him a bag full of lemons to give out to people throughout the night.

Colin couldn't really be bothered to make an effort so he just put on a tee with a Batman logo and called it a day.

A knock from the apartment door makes Colin look up from his phone.