a reason to smile // seo changbin ✔️

chapter twenty

would never

*don't forget to read the extra christmas update before this one in case you missed it!*

moon jieun - sunday

a knocking sound echoes through my bedroom as i sit in front of my vanity, brushing my hair out. i sigh at first, not really wanting to face either of my parents right now. by the time i got home with jisung yesterday, my dad was gone, and my mom had locked herself in her room. so i stayed in mine, and i had planned meet up with changbin today, as another excuse to get out of the house. i was hoping that my parents would leave me alone today, but i knew that was wishful thinking.

"who is it?" i call out, turning in my chair to face my door.

"it's me, baby." it was my mom's voice. i couldn't decide if i was happy to hear it or not.

"come in..." i sigh, watching as the door pulls open, and my mom steps inside. she was still in her pajamas, which was just so unlike her, it was shocking. the woman was always so put together that it was annoying. but seeing her like this... i couldn't tell if i was relieved or worried.

"look, i wanted to apologize about yesterday." she starts, sitting on the edge of my bed.

"you don't have to."

"i do... you... you shouldn't have had to hear that." she frowns.

"actually, mom, i think an argument was long overdue for you two. i just hope you came to a conclusion." my words shocked even myself. i wasn't at all glad to hear them argue, and i definitely could have done without it, but it was true. i know everything they said yesterday was long overdue.

"it's not that easy, jieun... with you still in school—"

"i've told you before to not let me get in the way of your needs." i cut her off.

"you are my daughter, jieun. your needs are ten times more important than anything else, and your father agrees."

"so what then? you just argued for nothing?" i scoff.

"no— we just... we just want to make sure we're doing the right thing."

"well what are you doing?"

"i'm leaving, jieun." my lips part in shock as the words leave her lips.

"leaving? where?" i ask, standing up from my chair.

"i'm going to stay with my parents for a bit—"

"your parents? mom, your parents are in singapore."

"i know, but your father brings in more income, so it's best for you to stay here with him while i go and figure myself out." she explains, her eyes welling with tears. and fuck, did it hurt. even though i've been wanting them to separate for ages, now that they are? it feels wrong. it feels unfair. and that's what mrs. cho had told me. she warned me. but nothing could have prepared me.

"so you're leaving, and i have to stay here with dad and his mistress?" i scoff, my arms crossing over my chest.

"your school is here. your life is here." she nods.

"but you're not!"

"i will come and visit you, and you can come and visit me—"

"why can't you just find a place to stay here?" tears well in my own eyes as the fact of her really leaving settles in.

"i only moved here for your father, and now that... we're separating... i want to go home, jieun."

"you can't stay here for me? am i not enough to keep you here?" my lip wobbles as the words leave my mouth.

"jieun— that's not how i meant it—"

"forget it. i can't have this conversation right now." i move to throw on my shoes.

"then when can you have it? cause i'm leaving tomorrow." her words cause me to stop in my tracks.

"tomorrow?" i whisper.

"yes. my flight is at ten—"

"i have class at ten!"

"so don't leave right now, stay and talk this out with me." she stands, crossing the room to reach me, her hand on my shoulder makes me go rigid.

"how can you leave so soon? moving countries isn't exactly like visiting busan for a weekend." i turn to face her, studying her gaze.

"this was a long time coming, jieun."

"what do you mean by that?"

"i mean i've had this flight booked for months." she admits, and my jaw practically drops to the floor. months? my mom was planning on leaving me for months, and she tells me the day before?

"why am i just now hearing about this?"

"that's not the point—"

"that is the point! or were you just going to leave without telling me?" she falls silent at the question, and i have my answer. never in my entire life would i have ever thought she would up and leave without telling me. i've done my best to make it clear to her this entire time that i'm on her side. that i want what's best for her. have i been on the wrong side of this? "you were going to leave without telling me." i conclude, looking down to the floor.

"i didn't want you to be upset. i didn't want you to look like this." she motions to me, pulling a bitter laugh from my lips.

"i thought we were in this together, mom." my voice cracks as tears flow freely, i couldn't hold them back anymore.

"we are— baby we are..." she reaches out to touch me again, but i pull away from her.

"i can't believe you." i spit, pushing past her and out of my room. i knew it was stupid to leave, when she was leaving so soon. i knew i might be blowing my last chance to really talk to her before she leaves. but it hurts. knowing she planned on keeping this a secret from me. maybe even from dad. maybe that's why they fought. maybe he saw her bags and started asking questions she didn't want to answer. she was going to up and leave us without a word. leave me. it hurt. it hurt like hell, and all i wanted to do was to get away from her.

changbin

meet me at the park
as soon as you can,
please.

of course, is everything
okay?

no, but i'll tell you when
i see you.

on my way. hang in there.

-

i'm trying, changbin. i'm really trying...