Dearest, In My Memories | JAECHAN

nine.

Dear Jaeyoon,

3:01 A.M. – We broke our rule tonight. You came into my room around one in the morning, climbing and sinking your weight onto my mattress as you clung your body above my own. I was quite confused, but I could tell you had been holding back for quite some time, how something... (please tell me) drove you to break the very rule you decided on for us, to which I agreed to.

Your touch was so gentle, your lips kissing tenderly against my head, my cheeks, against my lips. It felt like I was being worshiped as you kissed along my jaw, traveling down to my neck and eliciting the softest sounds from my lips.

Anyway... I don't need to write the rest... you know as well as I what we did. (I love you.)

10:08 A.M. — Mm, it's a bit odd not having work to worry about, but I have to say that I'm not complaining one bit. I love having you here, since you told me you took your vacation days to spend time with me. I can't help but notice the light in your eyes decreasing. I don't like that. I miss the stars in your gaze. My love, it hurts you're keeping me in the dark.

I went ahead and sweeped every inch of the kitchen floor because I started noticing crumbs along some of the crevices. Also the fact I haven't sweeped in awhile. Respectfully, I don't want to deal with any roaches soon, and I know how much you dislike them, too. They're just so gross to deal with. Ick.

As I cleaned, I realized we're both on a break right now. Maybe we can go on that road trip I suggested? Well, it depends on the weather...

12:47 P.M. – I'm sorry I snooped over the papers on your desk. You didn't catch me, and I could've withheld myself from telling you, but I couldn't look you in the eyes while knowing I looked through your things as I was dusting our rooms while you made lunch.

I... I saw your doctor's diagnosis of hypertrophic cardiomyopathy... Is- Is this why you've been struggling to sleep? Is this why you've been breaking our rule a little more often? Did you... get diagnosed when you were with family, or was it before then?

Please don't keep me in the dark.

3:28 P.M. – You have no idea how hard it is for me to interact with you while knowing about your condition. I have so many questions. So many things I want to know. Your diagnosis didn't say what stage you were in... or when it was even given to you.

Augh, I hope I'm not an open book. I'm so anxious. My hands won't start sweating. I bit off all my nails. You already told me to stop chewing the skin off my lips, to which you also asked me why I was nervous and I had to play it off.

Is this... why you didn't tell me?

Please talk to me.

Your worried lover,

Chanhee