a reason to smile // seo changbin ✔️

chapter sixteen

don't hold back

moon jieun - wednesday

professor lee was out today, so felix and i decided to spend the class time in the greenhouse. he was sat, criss-cross on the ground, while i sat on the bench, looking down at him. i picked anxiously at my cuticles, and i think felix knew i wanted to talk, but he wasn't pressuring me. he was waiting, quietly picking at some of the grass as we sat in silence.

"so you're... close with changbin, right?" i finally speak up. he lifts his head to look at me, and nods.

"not as close as him and jisung, but i'd say he's my best friend."

"do you... is he seeing anyone?" i tried thinking of how to say it in a way that didn't seem obvious, but i wasn't entirely sure how to do that, and honestly? i don't think it really matters. felix had basically been able to read me no matter what i said.

"like, are you asking if he has a partner?"

"um... yeah." i nod, felix's eyes light up for half a second, but he masks the look as if he didn't want to scare me away.

"no, he's single. why?"

"well i... i don't usually say these kinds of things, so please don't laugh—"

"pause. i would never laugh at you." he says sternly.

"right... i know, it's just, i don't usually do this but... i think i might... have a crush on changbin..." i admit. saying it aloud made it feel so much more real. i couldn't tell yet if i liked the feeling, or if i hated it. felix smiles.

"really?"

"yeah i... i think he's really sweet... and so are you— but it feels different with changbin..." i explain, and he nods.

"you should tell him."

"i should?"

"yes." he says firmly.

"i mean... what if he doesn't feel the same? i've never even had a crush before, i don't—"

"i assume you're admitting this for a reason, right?" he cuts me off. mrs. cho's session filling my mind once again.

let them know how you feel.

"yes." i nod.

"and?"

"mrs. cho... she suggested that i tell the people i care about how i feel."

"so, you should tell him." i huff at his words, going back to picking at my cuticles.

"how do you tell someone you have a crush on them?"

"i would recommend doing it alone, and just be honest with him." he shrugs, moving to sit next to me. "changbin is a very understanding guy, so he'll hear whatever you have to say."

"that's nice and all, but what if he doesn't feel the same?" i blink when felix pulls my hands apart, stopping my anxious moves.

"sometimes there are things you just have to see through."

"so that means he doesn't like me back..." i trail off, hating the disappointment that flooded my body. but it was still progress. three weeks earlier and i wouldn't care if he liked me back or not. i wouldn't even have developed... feelings for him.

"i didn't say that." he shakes his head.

"but you're not confirming it either. you're his friend, don't friends tell friends who they like?" i turn my head, cocking an eyebrow at him.