PROMISE ME (OSCAR DIAZ x OC)

Chapter Fifteen (Ruby)

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

Ruby

January

I don't cry anymore. I don't feel anything anymore. I just replay in my head that Olivia had said "Pay him back." Latrelle is out there. I can feel it in my bones and I can't sleep at night knowing he's the reason Olivia is gone. He's the reason I'm stuck in this sling and why I have a whole in my chest.

And not just the metaphorical one in reference to Olivia being dead. The actual hole from where the bullet went right through me and into her. Sometimes I wonder how different that night could have been if I let the bullet pass through her and into me. If I threw her down to the ground and let the bullet only hit me.

Or if it hit Cesar.

But if it hit Cesar it would have gone through him and right into my sister and then I'd still have lost someone who meant the world to me. I never thought I'd ever feel that way about my own sister. That I'd hunt someone to the edge of the world if they hurt her.

Now I'm on that for Olivia. It's what she wanted me to do. Pay him back... I'll pay him back ten-fold for what he did. I want him to look me in the eyes while I put a gun in his mouth and pull the trigger. I want him to see me smiling down at him while his brains and tongue explode in his skull and splatter all over me.

Cause the last thing I'll say to him is "This is from Olivia."

Then I'll laugh while he turns to nothing but a shell of the bitch he once was. I started to accept what happened because of him. But he was provoked to do what he did. Because Cesar was forced into the gang. By his own fucking brother. Fucking Oscar.

But when I wanted to be mad at him I realized he was only doing what he had to do to protect his brother. I can't be mad at Cesar either. He didn't know that Latrelle would have shown up that night.

I breathed out and shook my head at the thought of what if that bullet hit Cesar. Because I'd be grieving my sister. And then I start to replay it all, all over again. It's an endless cycle. It's repetitive. I hate it.

I miss who I used to be.

But the Old Ruby is no more. There will be no more thinking would've, could've, should've. I need to act. I need to figure shit the fuck out. And that starts with taking a shower and getting myself dressed.

Of course though, the moment I walk out my Mami is up my ass about going to church today. I was shocked when I saw Alana was home and she was dressed and ready for church. She looked at me with the saddest of eyes and just put her head down.

"I'm not going to church." I argued with my mom but she grunted loudly. "Alana, why are you going?"

"She needs to ask God for forgiveness." Mami said with a major side eye toward Alana. "And I told her Oscar has to go as well if he wants to really be a part of this family."

I snorted with laughter. "So you're making Alana apologize to God for hooking up with a gang leader and you're making him go to prove he's a good guy?"

Mami nodded. "Exactly."

"If he's so obsessed with Halloween then why does he go to church?" Mario's girlfriend Amber asked as she sat there awkwardly licking a Poptart. "It seems a little redundant."

"Get in the car, Ruben." Mami was gritting through her teeth. "This entire family is clearly cursed or something. I can't do this."

"I have plans." I told Mami.