a reason to smile // seo changbin ✔️

chapter fifteen

the power

happy thanksgiving to those who celebrate it!! <33 i'm thankful to each and every one of my lovely readers!

moon jieun - tuesday

"hello, jieun." ms. cho smiles as i enter her office, closing the door behind me. i stay silent as i sling my backpack off of my shoulder and toss it onto the floor. the book, the pencil, and my poem were all in my arms as i sat down across from her. "what have you got there?" she asks, and i set the items down on her desk.

"i understand your pencil... thing." i mumble.

"you do? tell me, what did you conclude?" she asks.

"it's like... a really cheesy metaphor. you can give anyone a pencil, but only they have the power to write with it." i explain, and she nods approvingly.

"well done, jieun." she leans back in her chair, her eyes darting to the folded up paper. "have you written something?" i nod.

"a poem."

"may i?" she asks, reaching for the folded piece of paper. i hesitate for a moment, chewing on the inside of my cheek, but ultimately, i nod. she smiles as she takes the paper, unfolding it. and i watch each movement of her expression as she reads over the words. i practically had the poem memorized by now, i didn't even need to see it to know what it said.

the difference between you and me.
it's almost crazy,
insane it should be.

where you find life,
in run-down shacks.
i find death,
wishing my name on stony plaques.

they say you're doing better,
is it really that easy?
well, i'm just waiting,
hoping for the cold to freeze me.

"is it about someone in particular?" she questions, folding the paper back up and sliding it toward me. "it's a lovely poem, by the way."

"it's um... about two people that i've met recently..." i clear my throat. i wasn't a fan of opening up like this, but i decided that i did want help. that i did want to get better. so i had to do this.

"why did you pick them specifically?" she prods. though she wasn't pushy. i didn't understand how she could do it. pry information out of me without making me feel like she's digging through my brain like it's a filing cabinet.

"they... i think they've changed my perspective on a few things..." i admit.

"like?"

"like... there's always two sides to every story and... one of them helped me figure out that only i have the power to control what happens to me."

"very good. you want to know what i think?" she asks.

"yeah..." i nod, looking at her curiously.

"i think, when you first came in here, you were so busy focusing on things out of your control, that you started to believe your own path was out of your control as well." her words hit me hard, and my mind goes back to my first session. it was crazy how different things already were. how much more open i am. when i was so closed off only two weeks ago. when everything seemed like it had an expiration date. "do you know what i'm saying?" she speaks up again.