Chapter 1

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Kellin's P.O.V
Today was my least favourite day of the year; Valentines Day. It reminded me that I had no one. That no one loved me. That I was a socially awkward kid who had no one who cared about him. Who was fat, ugly and unloved.

I dodged the couples making out in the hallway as I made my way to my locker. I opened it up not surprised that there weren't any Valentines Day cards. I don't know why they make Valentines day a big deal anyway.

I looked at my timetable. I had double Music which I didn't mind. Except for the fact that I had it with the seniors because I excelled in the subject. But thankfully they usually ignored me and I them.

The bell rang and I grabbed my notebook and headed down to the music room. As always I'm the first in class.

"Morning Kellin." Mr. Way smiles not even bothering to look up from what he's doing.

"Morning." I mumble.

I don't even know why he tries to communicate with me. I've never said more than two words to anyone for the year I've been here. I sit at the back of the classroom and open my notebook. I begin writing down random lyrics like usual.

"Don't wake me up if I'm sleeping this life away
They tell me that I'll never be good enough
Sometimes it hurts to think it could really be that way
It won't be that way"

The second bell went and kids started piling into the classroom. I stopped writing and shut my book. The seats filled up and surprisingly someone sat next to me. It was a Hispanic looking boy with shiny brown shoulder-length hair. He was wearing black skinny jeans and a button up white shirt. That's funny I have never seen him before. He must be new or something. I shrugged it off and put my headphones in.

The lesson bored on as I listened to music. I subconsciously started scratching at the self-inflicted pain that I put on my arms last night. I finally realised that I had pulled the sleeve of my hoodie up, so my many cuts could be seen. I quickly pulled my sleeve back down and looked at the boy sitting next to me to see if he had seen my arm. He was facing the front which relieved me a bit but the look on his face told me that he may have seen them. He had a solemn frown on his face. I shrugged it off. Maybe he was just having a bad day or didn't like the lesson. I turned up my music slightly. All The Small Things by Blink182 came on and I zoned into the music.

"Kellin, Kellin!" Mr. Way's voice calls.

I remove my headphones from my ears.

"Hmmm." I answer.

"Please stop humming." He says.
I didn't even notice that I was.

Everyone eyes are on me and I don't like it. I feel my face go red as I nod.

"Freak." Someone coughs so I put my hoodie on.

I have a twisted theory that if I can't see them then they're not there. Mr. Way continues to teach and everyone averts their attention back to him. I relax once everyone's attention is off of me.

Soon the bell goes for lunch and I slip out of the classroom as quickly as possible. I walk with my head down to my locker and throw my stuff in there. I grab my bag out and throw it over my shoulder. I slip my notebook in there and close it. As I closed my locker I glanced up to see the same boy who sat next to me in class looking at me from across the hall. He was standing with Tony Perry and Jaime Preciado. Tony Perry and Jaime Preciado pretty much run the school. It's not like they bully anyone but for some reason everyone seems to be scared of them.

When he noticed I was looking back at him he quickly averted his gaze to Tony who was talking to him. I simply shrugged it off and made my way to the bathroom.

I never went to the cafeteria because I don't eat so I don't see the point. I went into one of the empty stalls and locked the door. I pulled down the toilet lid and sat on it. I grabbed my notebook and a pencil from out of my bag and starting continuing on from earlier.

"I'm tired and I'm lost
I don't want to be found
I put my heart and my soul
And strength in this now

So forgive me but I won't forget that
Yeah, this world has changed me
So you know when you ask me

Who are you now?
Did you say what you want?
Don't go back to the start
I'm asking, who are you now?
Did they break you apart?
Won't you fight back for what you want?"

At that I shut my notebook and put it back in my bag. As I go to shut my bag something catches my eye. I pick it out and examine the shiny metal object. I had forgotten that I had slipped one in my bag a while ago. I feel a familiar itch starting to form on my arm. I pull up my sleeve and take one last look at the blade before digging the edge of it into my skin. I drag the blade across my arm feeling a chill go down my spine. Just as I'm about to make another cut I hear the bathroom door open.

"Kellin, are you in here? It's me Vic, I sat next to you in music." A voice sounds echoing the small room.

I hold my breath trying not to make a noise. He's probably looking for me so he can tell the jocks where I am. I hear a loud sigh then the bathroom door opening again. It closes with a soft thud. I let out the breath that I was holding in. I look at my bleeding wrist. Okay, where was I?

~~

So first chapter's done. Let me know what you think.🐙

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