I sigh as i got dressed for school after that i brush my hair that i needed to trim but i didn't care anyways i put my prescribed glasses on that needed to be fixed and i start to feel that overwhelming feeling anxiety i sigh again i then go to the couch i sit down i go on my phone while my tv was on with music playing "mascara by deftones" i then calm a bit down as the anxiety felt strong and scary i then put deodorant on and perfume cuz i forgot to but after that i go back on my phone....40 minutes later i arrive at school my lips tremble as i felt anxious i then go to my class i wanted to go home but i couldn't i felt the pit in my stomach it was uncomfortable but i cant take it away but i was desperate to make it go away...i then take a deep breath i walk in my spanish class and go to sit down i then put a fake slight smile i talk to my friends and times passes to 4th period i then felt so nervous and scared i sucked at math i then sit down in my seat i pull out my journal and calculator and the work we were going to do i then do my work or at least tried i couldn't seem to get the work done my breathing quickened as my teacher said "Teresa what was number 3" i stammered i say "uh- uhm its 34" she shook her head no i sigh and get ashamed then someone answered for me i look down i wanted to cry i hated myself because i knew i was lazy and dumb but i couldn't process math so it was so confusing i looked at the pretty girls "god..." I thought they were so pretty and they smelt so good they got their life together but i didnt i then get my razor from my backpack i excuse myself to the restroom i then go into the stall and lock it i pull my pants down i cut my thighs with the razor i felt worse but satisfied as i got insecure also, i look down at my 18 year old chubby hairy female body i let out a choked sob i close my eyes shut......as everything slowed....i slowly fall to the floor against the wall.....
God i wanted to die so bad......lifes complicated.....
