The Acceptance of Change

Chapter 15: Remember III.

The Summer after eighth grade, something changed. Sam began to be more nervous around me, and almost awkward. He slowly changed into something I didn't recognize. Thankfully, this would only be sometimes, but I was curious nonetheless. I asked Sam to come to my house. Sam always asked about why I lived in a foster family, and I had always revoked that information. And I thought that because of his recent behaviors, he was losing trust in me. I wanted to fix that, Sam was the only thing I had. So when Sam came over that day, I wanted to tell him about my father, nothing too graphic. I didn't plan on telling him why until-

"How did he pass away?" Sam asked. I felt the need to tell him, what was the point of lying to him while I was trying to get his trust back.

"He ended his own life," I responded.

"Why?" Sam wasn't normally this blunt. They had a different demeanor about them today. I could almost hear an engine revving up in their brain. I was nervous, so I wanted to be as honest as I could.

"I'm not sure why. The doctors said that he was a very nervous man, and that's why he drank. I was really the only one he knew and I remember that he loved his job. So I seriously don't know," I said in a wavering voice. I never talk about my father, so I felt super vulnerable as I spoke.

"I bet it was you," Sadie snarked.

"What?"

"Well, he didn't know anyone. And he loved his job. So it must've been you."

"He loved me though."

"You're his child...of course he loved you. I love my parents, but sometimes I want to die because of them. What happened to your mom?"

In an instant, my heart was torn. I'm such a vulnerable state I had put myself in, I was shattered to pieces.

"Why are you being like this?" I asked defensively.

"Because recently, you have genuinely been so annoying. I don't even blame your father, he was able to escape you. Anyone in his position would do what he did."

At that moment I was in my room, but the walls began to turn. The room began to spiral and it felt like the world was ending. Why in the hell is my best friend, who I assumed loved spending time with me, breaking me apart?

"Please leave," I said whilst beginning to cry.

"Oh, you're a crybaby too, huh?" Sadie mocked.

"Leave."

"And why should I lea-"

"LEAVE."

Sam paused. Then scowled at me and left the room.

I was freezing with tears in my eyes. Maybe Sam could come back and apologize and everything would be back to as it was, But I heard the front door open and close. Maybe he would come back inside after a walk. He never did.

My heart began to physically feel pain and I began to cry loudly. I then realized that my family could hear this and held my face into a pillow as I screamed and cried.