The Acceptance of Change

Chapter 14: Sadie III.

One mid summer day, I finally worked up the courage to tell my mother who I truly was. It was 2:37 in the afternoon when I stood in front of my mom. I wanted to tell her first, then my dad, because my dad gets more stressed out about this kind of stuff and if my mom already knew about it, she could calm him down.

"Mom?" I said.

"Yes dear? Is everything ok? You seem nervous about something," my mother said. I was, in fact, shaking. I didn't realize it until my mother pointed it out, then made an effort to try to not shake. It didn't change anything.

"I think I'm a girl." The world around me paused for a moment, the air in the room stiffened. It seemed as if the universe was waiting on her response.

"No you aren't."

My heart shattered. My mother, the one who I was closest to, even over Tommie or my good friend, she was my world. I could tell her everything and she would listen. What was wrong?

"Mom I swear I am, this is who I feel most comfortable being!" I said.

"And who is that?" She spoke to me in a soulless voice. She sounded like she had already given up on me.

"Myself." I said.

"Go to your room, and I don't want you coming out of there until you've decided to not be a sinful terrible child." She said with such disdain.

"What did you call me?" I said.

"A sinful child. I don't want a tranny for a kid." At the time, I didn't know what that word meant, but I could assume. My mom was the polar opposite of how she normally was. She treated me as though I was human garbage. Something to be thrown away and burned to make more room at a landfill. This isn't the mother I knew.

"Either go to your room and pray to god for forgiveness, or I never want to see your face again" she said. She was serious. In a burst of tears and crying, I left the house running. I could hear my mom yelling for me, almost in regret, but I couldn't stop myself from running as far away as I could.

I reached my friend's house, he only lived a few miles away. I was pretty spry, even for my weight, so it didn't take long. He had invited me over the last time I had seen him, so I was hoping to talk about it to him after the conversation with my mom. I expected it to go well with her and to relay to him the good news.