The Acceptance of Change

Chapter 13: Sadie II.

Tommie walked me into The Firebird Place with a sense of confidence. I, however, was the opposite. I acknowledged how this place might be able to help me find what I truly am, but part of me was scared about that. Growing up, my parents would always talk about how they pray for gay people because they are committing a sin, and without forgiveness, they would be banished to hell forever. So, as it would any 8th grader, it scared the hell out of me. Eternal damnation? Not for me.

We walked along the brightly lit white hallway that led us into the room where the group was being held. As soon as I walked in, I saw many people around me.

I see a boy that is wearing a black shirt with black fingerless gloves with jeans and black vans. They looked unwilling to walk to anyone, almost as if being there is a chore that there parents dragged them along to do, even if their parents aren't here.

I see a girl that is talking with someone and clearly enjoying herself. She is talking with certain members and is playing air hockey with another member there. She stands in a focused posed, ready to hit the puck directly into the goal. In a split second, she hits the puck into the goal and a big smirk grows on her face.

Across the room, I see a boy trying to be a jokester and is making people laugh, I overhear laughter; so it seems to be working. He seems so in place.

There is a boy across the room who is wearing a Spider-Man t-shirt and he seems to be newer here. He has fluffy shorter black hair and glasses that make him look a bit goofy. He's talking with a skinnier boy with slick black hair and colorful glasses.

The last person I see is a girl by herself on her phone, she seems to be texting someone. She seems to be waiting for someone to talk to her because she keeps looking around at people. She's wearing a t-shirt with brown accents on the collar, sleeves, and bottom. I'm the middle of the shirt with two lopsided brown eyes. She is wearing newer looking leg tight khakis. I also noticed a lone horizontal scar on her wrist. It looks clear as day to see, but she isn't showing it off.

This place seemed to be filled with people uncertain of themselves, and it's not a bad thing at all. I'm happy for them to come here and try to discover who they truly are.

"Go talk to someone," says Tommie. Honestly, I'm terrified. I feel as though they will reject me, tell me that I'm too certain of myself to be there. "Come on," Tommie said. And so I walked toward the girl with the horizontal scar and I introduced myself.

"Hi," I said.

"Hello," she responded. She seems glad that someone finally came to talk to her.

"My name is Sam, what's yours?" I ask. She seemed to be deciding something, then responded.

"My name is Dahlia," she said. She seems proud of herself for being able to say that.

"How'd you find out about this place?" I said.

"Oh...um....there was a poster on the wall at my school. I thought I'd come by, and now, I feel better whenever I'm here. Being around people like me allows me to be myself. People here don't make me feel like I'm a stain. I like feeling more like a cleaning product than something to be wiped away," Dahlia said. I resonate with that. "How did you come to get here?" She asked.

"Tommie wanted me to come," I said.

"The, uh, Director's son?" Dahlia said. "The guy with messed up blond hair?"

"Yeah. He's the director's son?"

"Yeah."

"Oh, I had no clue."

"You missed highs and lows today. You should come next week too, you don't wanna miss out on the full firebird experience."

"I appreciate that," I said, "maybe I will. Well, it was good talking to you, my mom wants me home now. See you next week?"

"Sure, I'd like that."

I walk back towards Tommie.

"My mom wants me home," I tell him.

"Ok, this isn't gonna last too much longer anyway. By the way, I think I heard Dahlia talk about it, but we missed the beginning talk. I thought it would be better to be here later on just so your first time isn't so confrontational," Tommie said.

"I appreciate that, thank you."

"No problem."

"Hey, uh. I heard that your dad was the director here. I had no clue."

"Oh, I didn't tell you that? I thought I did. He's not the director of the whole place, more like student services. But he's still pretty cool."

"He seems cool."

We then left and he took me home. I told my mom that we just went to his house because I wasn't comfortable with telling her yet. Over the next few months, I would go with Tommie to The Firebird Place and I would slowly come to understand who I was. I was a girl, that's who I truly am. Being a boy was such an uncomfortable feeling and as soon as I began to act like a girl, I just felt so comfortable with myself. It was ok to be me.