Awake - Book One of the Spinner's Curse

Chapter Twenty-Two: Crowds, Crowns, and Coming Home

  

Chapter Twenty-Two:
Crowds, Crowns, and Coming Home

Leaving the next day was like saying goodbye to a piece of me. I begged Pud to come with me; to come and work in the kitchens in the palace so I’d always have him near, but he refused. “I’m needed here," he said. “I want to give to other’s what you gave me, Rory. I want to help make other street children feel like someone loves them, and that they’ll always have a place to go. I’ve lived through that, and I can help.” I smiled while my heart broke with his words.

I hugged him. “You’re the best brother anyone could have, Pud.” Tears welled in my eyes. “If this is goodbye for us, if Phillip’s fairy is a failure too, I hope you know I’ve always loved you.” He hugged me tearfully back, and he seemed so small again. I knew that despite his maturity Pud was still young and leaving him terrified me. As we left he waved until he was just a tiny speck in the distance and the tears had dried from my eyes.

Once again I found myself sharing a saddle with Phillip. This time, however, it was awkward. We both held ourselves stiffly, trying our best not to touch. We didn’t know what to say to one another, what would be safe. Phillip’s men filled the silence instead. Going home meant a reprieve for them. They were going to see their families, while I was filled with fear.

I ran away from home. I didn’t know what my welcome would be like. Did they know I was coming? I found myself too shy to ask Phillip. I hid my anxiousness, burying it deep within me along with a list of all the things I couldn’t say to him, things he wouldn’t be able to understand.

The awkwardness began to turn into tension the closer we got to the palace. Even Ryler seemed to fall into a melancholy state. His frown lines got deeper and deeper with each passing day. I wondered about it until one night I overheard him and Phillip speaking. “I could leave now and continue the search without you, Phillip. I know you have to take care of Rory, so I understand."

“No, Ryler. I’m keeping my promise to you. I’ll help you find Jo once we’ve gotten Rory’s curse lifted. She still has to learn what it will take for her to be a Queen. We won’t be able to marry for awhile.”

“Phillip, what about….”

“I’ll take care of that. When everyone hears she’s alive they’ll forget everything else. They’ll finally understand what I’ve been doing these past three years. They’ll have no choice but to say I was right all along.”

I heard Ryler grunt. “You say that, but how will she handle this? It’s not fair to just expect her to accept all of this. Marriage is a heavy thing with most women…”

I backed away, my mind reeling. Marriage: Phillip was already talking about marriage? Ryler was right. I could barely take care of myself, let alone Phillip, and being Queen? I couldn’t do it. All those people staring at me all the time, all the courtiers who would whisper about me in the corridors, I couldn’t handle it. I didn’t know how I felt about Phillip, more and more it seemed like I’d been in love with an idea of him, an idea that had been replaced by someone else.

The next morning things were worse between us. Knowing Phillip wanted to get married weighed heavily on me. I couldn’t be the woman he wanted, the woman he needed to sit by his side and call him dear. Not only did the silence between us grow, but even Ryler became quieter. I must have missed the worst part of their argument because Ryler seemed to be in a foul mood, and Phillip’s wasn’t much better.

I felt for Ryler. I didn’t want him to feel like he was stuck with me just because I was a princess. I didn’t want him to hate me because I was the reason he couldn’t go searching for Jo. When Phillip wasn’t paying attention I would knee the horse into a swifter speed. I hoped that the sooner we got to the palace, the sooner Ryler could go back to his mission.