It's almost silent, the only audible sound being the calm water running efficiently into the tub as I weakly rested. I guess I should have turned the taps off, or I may drown if I lose my impulse control. But instead I closed my eyes from reality, hoping the water would engulf me and put me in an endless sleep.
A small tear trailed slowly from my eye before I finally sunk into unconsciousness.
Life was so peaceful at this very moment.
It was like a small humming bee buzzed quietly through my ears in the silence of being underwater. It felt like only seconds had past but I was now conscious- my eyes flashing open.
Then I heard a thud, and another... and another. Then it stopped.
All I could see was red, but I wasn't angry.
Seconds later reality seemed to have grasped me when I began to panic, immediately inhaling but instead my airway was attacked with more water. I involuntary swallowed, and felt a strong pair of hands tightly grab me by my waist and desperately pull me to the surface.
I felt myself slip onto the freezing, hard, floor which was puddled from the bath water that flooded the room. My cheek harshly grazed the wood, water freely flowing from my mouth. Then I was grabbed by my shoulders and pinned up against the side of the tub to lean against while all I could see were my bloodstains.
I was now face to face with Harry as his hand softly palmed my jaw yet roughly pulled me in closer and inspected me thoroughly. "Tell me you're okay, Harley, anything."
His face was both concerned and confused as I only stared wide eyed in disbelief. I didn't answer, the mortification and surprise left me breathless. "Harley, speak."
My bruised pride suddenly strengthened, and I found the courage to say something. "I'm okay."
I was still numb even when he was here to make me feel again. His eyes softened, a hand running through his long hair and slumping beside me, where he leaned against the tub also. He was silent, we both were.
It was almost like he had been taken aback and had not found any audible words to share his discomfort and worry within me. I pathetically sat completely bare to him while all I could think about was why Harry saved me and God didn't.
God has never been there for me.
When I realised what my life had become, as I lay naked in my own blood and bath water; A lump regrettably formed in my throat.
"This is all my fault," Harry confessed. "I saw the marks a while back but was too scared to mention them. Fuck, I'm stupid- Harley, I'm so sorry. Please forgive me."
I did nothing but lean my forehead sorrowfully to his broad shoulder and quietly sob while I sniffled, my tears now soaking his shirt. In response his hand raised to my hair ever so gently, his palm ushering my head down into the crook of his neck.
"I thought God would save me." I whispered.
His head turned slowly and his pursed lips placed a gentle kiss to my head. "Me too."
As my numb emotions began to break Harry stood slowly to his feet and his emerald eyes stared down at my body in regret. Depression had consumed me, so I put my head in my hands and cried the pain away.
His hand attempted to take mine but I pulled away and rested my face into my knees as I hugged myself tight and close. Hopefully, I would shatter and never see daylight again.
But then he lifted me into his arms and tenderly held me with my legs dangling and my arms wrapping around his neck to prevent myself from slipping. He carried me gently to my room and lay me down before covering me thoughtfully with a soft, silk blanket.
He then stood opposite me and uncomfortably sighed, his eyes finding mine although I wanted to look anywhere but him. "You... You weren't trying to- fuck, you weren't trying to drown yourself?"
I embarrassingly looked away, my shoulders forming a simple shrug. "I don't know."
"What does that mean?"
I hid myself under my quilt as I masked myself from reality. "I don't know."
The bed was dipped slightly with Harry's weight as he crawled beside me and nudged my shoulder with his forehead. "Can I lay with you under the sheets?"
I bit my lip to stop yet another sob and nodded.
He crept under the quilt, his face mirroring mine as we both lay softly on our sides. "You need to talk to me, Harley."
The numbing had stopped, and now all I felt was pain. "I can't spend another year in school. I'll kill myself- I will."
"Don't say that," His eyebrows furrowed in both anger and distraught. "Never say that."
My eyes welled with more tears but I pushed them back. "Mrs Valentine is cancelling my exam."
Fury ignited within his eyes as they suddenly turned darker, his head shaking slowly back and forth in disbelief. "She can't do that."
I didn't answer, I had nothing useful to say about it.
"You shouldn't have told her the truth."
Then the truth spilled into my mind, and I knew I had to say it. "Clyde told her the truth, so it would have turned out this way even if I didn't."
He froze, his breath that hit my lips now cold. "What?"
I only shrugged.
He huffed in disbelief. "Did she tell you that?"
Then I nodded.
He frowned in defence. "Trust me, Harley. Clyde would never do this to hurt you. There must be more to this."
"I'm not bothered by it anymore. I just," I paused as I attempted to suppress another cry. "I just hate myself for being so stupid. And... And-"
"Shhhh," He closed his eyes and took my hand before holding it softly to his cheek to feel the warmth radiate from my skin. "You're too precious for this world- and it's so sad that you don't believe me."
I responded by an uncomfortable sigh of disbelief. "If I was too precious for this world then God would take me already. He shouldn't have put me here in the first place."
Harry shifted towards me more and tenderly pulled me into his chest as his chin rested against my forehead. "Listen... I care about you much, much more than I care about myself. And I know this is going to kill you to hear this but I don't want you to hurt anymore: God will never save you. He doesn't answer your prayers, he doesn't help you and he doesn't love you. I can give you so much more than some false idol. I love how you have so much faith but it's making you so reliant on religion and it's hurting you so badly. Answer your own prayers, help yourself... Love yourself. Treat yourself better than anyone ever would. And I wish I could say this to myself but you're so much more important than me."
He kissed my lips ever so softly, but I choked. The epiphany hit me like spikes impaling my innocence while my mind digested the truth. I began to panic, my hands fisting Harry's shirt to relieve stress as my breath hitched at the cruel confrontation.
"No," I cried, disheartened and betrayed. "I feel sick."
He ushered my face onto his chest as I hysterically wept into his shirt, the regretful screams escaping my mouth as I was overtaken with sad realisation and the fact that he never, truly existed. He was just a fragment of my longing to find eternal happiness.
This story has only like fifteen chapters left i think
I know we're really far into this story but like is everyone enjoying it so far? :/
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Call Boy. (Harry Styles Fan Fiction) on holdFanfiction
Harley Thomas; an anxiously wrecked Christian who thrives on judging those who sin. Harry Styles; an emotionally wrecked Atheist who thrives on sinning.