MC Devil Dogs Love Me As I Am

Getting away from it all....

Veronica

     Well its been three days sinced Lucas ask me to marry him.  I surprised everyone that night by saying NO.  I explained to him I am just not ready yet.  I have tried to explain to him how scared I am.  I love him and we are doing fine as it is.  Needless to say my parents especially my mother is very disappointed in me and have let me know in every way possible.  My sister who happens to be their little princess has never disappointed them, their words not mine.  Lucas and I have talked about it all.  He is feeling alot of pressure by his parents and mine.  However he is upset with me because he is embarrassed.  I feel like he knew I was not ready because I have told him so he should have known the outcome.  My friends, my family have all stopped talking to me. They feel like I should feel honored to be ask by someone like Lucas.  I understand by all standards I am plain and overweight.  However I am also loyal, funny hardworking and not to mention a great cook.  Everyone is making me feel like because I am not "pretty"  then I have to say yes.  I would love a future with Lucas but not marriage and kids right now.  I am really thinking about packing up and disappearing for a couple a days.  I mean right now the only person speaking to me is my brother Jace and the local pizza guy. 

     My brother Jace wasn't there that night but as soon as our mother called him and told him everything he came over to check on me.  He sees how our mother treats me and degrades me.  Jace told me to do what ever felt right to me.  He tried talking to my parents but to no avail.  I told Jace I might go away to clear my head.  He agrees it might be best.  I just feel that I am always struggling to be what Lucas, my parents and everyone else expects.  I don't want to lose Lucas but sometimes his world is not what I feel comfortable in.  I mean give me my pjs, ice cream and a book I am good to go.  I don't need fancy restaurants, diamonds and high heels.  I plan on talking to Lucas this afternoon about taking a few days to figure things out.  I just hope my Lucas remembers I am his Veronica. 

     As Lucas comes in I see he looks upset still.  I don't blame him but I really thought he knew me and what I wanted.  I speak first " Lucas can we talk?"  Lucas nods is head, removes his jacket and takes a seat.  All of a sudden I am nervous.  I clear my throat and tell him how much I love him, but that I am scared of marriage and just not ready for that step yet.  I start to cry, my emotions are all over the place.  I feel Lucas wipe my tears away and he kisses my forehead.  I look at the man who has been my best friend for years and I see something in his eyes that I have never seen before...resignation.  I start to feel panic sitting in.  I am not ready for us to be over and I am not ready to be married.  Lucas hugs me then goes to walk away.  I ask him to wait a minute.  I explain my plans to go away for a couple days to think.  Before he goes to the room I remind him that he is the man I love, how wonderful he is and how he makes me happy.  I ask him not to give up on me.  He walks over to hug me again and says he is trying.  He also feels pressure from everyone. 

     I go to my room to pack a bag.  I text my family telling them I am taking off for a couple of days. I ask that they only contact me Incase of an emergency.  Within a minute my mother calls me. I answer to her yelling at me " Veronica what is your problem?  Why can't you do anything right?  Why can't you be more like your sister?  You do realize Lucas is a great catch for someone like you?  Lets be honest you are not very pretty, you are fat and work as a secretary!"  I sigh and for the hundreth time I remind her I am a executive assistant and I know how I look.  She continues to tell me this will probably be my only chance to have a decent man.  I snap " Will you stop already! I know I am not your precious Jade, I know I am not pretty, I know I am overweight but I also know I am still your daughter!" I then ask "Don't you want me to be happy too?"  She huffs her reply " You always expect too much for yourself Veronica."  I just feel so broken right now. I tell her I am so sorry that I am such a disappointment to her. I grab my bad, turn off my phone and leave. 

Whit

     It's been a week since I moved back into the club house.  Leeza has tried to talk me into coming back, but that will never happen.  From what I have heard my mom and brother are still there.  I went by and talk to the landlord to let him know what was going on and paid a month's rent.  I told Leeza that after that it will be their problem.  Once I got back to the club the boys helped me get drunk and Cherise the sweet butt has been trying to keep my mind off Leeza.  It works for about 10 minutes.   I will admit my first couple nights back I fucked Cherise.  I am not into sleepy with a bunch of the girls though around the club.  I enjoyed having someone special to call my own.  Even though Leeza broke my heart I still miss her.  I miss how she snuggle up to me at night and place her cold feet on me. 

     I have been riding a lot to try and keep my head clear.  My Prez Spider has ask me if I want to get away for couple days.  He needs to go to a club couple towns over to talk business.  I mean there is nothing here keeping me around.  I go up to my room to grab some stuff.  I find Cherise on my bed in a pair of thongs and high heels.  She is spread eagle and looks as if I am her next meal.  Cherise is pretty, typical blonde, small frame and big tits.  I am pretty sure they are fake.   She has has a great personality though.  If I was younger I would probably be more than willing.  However I have lived a crazy life these last few years and I am just ready for little more tranquility.  I shake my head and laugh.  I tell Cherise as tempting as she is, it would be best that she go find some of the younger club brothers.  She looks at me like I got two head and stomps out of my room. 

      I grab my shit and head out the door.  As soon as I step outside I see the one person I did not want to see.  Leeza standing there beside her jeep.  As I look closer I see my mom and brother are also with her.  I yell back to Spider to tell him give me a few minutes.  I ask Leeza " What the fuck are you doing here?"  Leeza says she needs to talk to me for just a second.   I walk off to the side with her and tell her she has 3 minutes and time started already.   She is looking down and nervously ringing her fingers, I have a feeling I am not going to like what she says next.  She takes a deep breath then tells me she sorry for what she has done but she has to let me know that she is pregnant and unsure who the father is.  I have to remind her that its definately not me.  When we started getting serious with each other. I told her when I was 30 I decided to get a vasectomy because I did not want to bring a kid into this fucked up world.  She admits she forgot about that.  She then ask if there was anyway possibly I could loan her some money to leave town.  I walk over to the jeep look at all three of them and tell them if I give them money I did not want to ever see them again.   Leeza started crying while my mom and brother both said deal at the same time.  I ran back into my room and grabbed some cash.  I got back outside gave Leeza $500, then told her to becareful with those two and to take care.  As I turned to walk away Leeza ask me if I could ever forgive her....honestly no, not right now.  I don't know if I ever can.  She really hurt me. 

     I jumped on my bike, me and my brothers took off.  I really needed to get awayfrom it all for couple of days.  I needed to clear my head and focus on putting one foot in front of the other.  The walls were starting to feel like they were closing in on me.   Nothing like being on the open road, wind in my face and just riding.  I never thought that things would turn out this way.  I decided to pawn the ring the other day and that's where the cash came from.  Maybe  I am an idiot for giving her the money but I still care about the damn woman.