BAD IDEA ― deadpool & wolverine

THREE

"Wow, that was really big of you," Ketti raised her eyebrows. "I'm almost proud of that sentence."

"Let's not tell anyone, mmkay?"

(If I admit my weakness, then everyone will know I secretly do care about people and that would be a huge problem because my whole anti-hero shtick relies on the opposite of that. Except for Dogpool. I will literally burn every single human being to the ground before I let my dog fucking die, okay? That includes you Disney, don't think you can monopolize my dog into some sob story. I will come for you, Feige.)

Ketti sighed. "I can't forgive Peter because—"

"—Spare us the dilemma, we don't actually care," Deadpool interjected. "Just forgive him. Kay?"

Ketti opened her mouth to reply but with a nod from Logan and a twirl — what the fuck was wrong with this guy? — from Deadpool, the — couple? Pair? Friends? She didn't fucking know (or care, really) — were leaving.

"Fucking weirdos."

—

Ketti couldn't hold a grudge to save her life.

(This will come into play later — remember this, guys. I'm dropping hints like fucking Dora the Explorer. Váminos, everyone! Get to the shit-show island!)

So it was only natural that seven hours into her supposed "fight" with Peter — which was really a one-sided cold face and a guilty, moping superhero on the other — she texted him the Taylor Swift lyrics "hey, it's me, all in my head. I'm the one who burned us down. But it's not what I meant. Sorry that I hurt you."

And the matter was put to rest.

(Wow, they're fucking nerds. Hi, T! Hope you're enjoying the Eras tour. Blake's loving it.)

Peter explained in a FaceTime how much he actually hated Deadpool, though Logan was alright, just gruff and "kind of super scary just stay away from him Ketti, I think he'd break your face if you looked at him wrong but then again maybe not he seemed to like you. Either way, anyone who hangs out with Deadpool has a red flag."

To which she pointed out that he hangs out with Deadpool.

To which, he responded that she hung out with him and he works with Deadpool, so they're both red-flag adjacent.

(God, all this Gen Z slang is giving me a headache.)

Then, one thing led to another and some-fucking-how, Ketti ends up in the back of a Range Rover — which apparently Deadpool fucking hates, but Logan bought to spite him (are they actually together? Ketti isn't even fucking sure but she's too scared to ask Logan and Deadpool can't say anything without a horrible innuendo) — with Peter (dressed in his Spider-Man ensemble) next to her, and Hot and Dumbass in the front seat.

(Does she call us this in bed? Sometimes. She can be very "mommy" coded if you know what I mean. Homelander would enjoy it — if you know what I'm saying.)

And fucking Deadpool wouldn't shut up the whole drive, Logan's gripping the steering wheel with the most irritated look on his handsome — god how can one man be that FINE — face, Peter's just watching Ketti warily, and it's getting on her fucking nerves, and her battery fucking died because she's an idiot who forgets to charge it.