The Hearts We Hide

06

Lev

I was eighteen, the first time I saw Miraya.

The weather was cloudy and it was the start of a light drizzle. I grew up in love with the rain and if this wasn't fate showing me my soulmate, what was?

I didn't know her name back then, of course. High school had just ended and a friend's older sister was getting married. It became our first unsupervised boys trip out of state.

She was a bridesmaid, wearing something pink. I looked at her and I was so, so enchanted by the astounding amount of happiness clearly visible in her eyes. She looked like the kind of person who's always radiant and just ...happy. Her joy was infectious. Everyone she stopped to talk to was caught by it. I wasn't even in her orbit and I was affected too. How could anyone in the same room as her possibly be sad?

"What're you staring at?" A clap on my back.

"Nothing, just," I nodded in her direction. "She looks like the sun," The admission was so easy. It felt more like an honest observation and less like I was trying to pick her up.

"Mate, you can do better." He scoffed.

I didn't think so. Later, I found out he didn't think so either.

Kayden approached her, talked to her and by some freak coincidence they found out they're moving to the same city for undergrad. He never told me about it and I didn't raise it either. We were never that close.

I could've been mad at him but I wasn't. I didn't own her and if she made the choice, who was I to not respect it. And it sure as fuck wasn't Kayden's fault that I didn't talk to her first.

But I did see her first. Once I saw her, she never really left my mind. I wouldn't go so far as to say I liked her all through the years. But if I had known her, I would've. And I thought about knowing her a lot. Very often, I'd think about her eyes and how I had never been close enough to look at the exact shape of it. All I ever knew about her was that happiness looked better on her than anyone I had ever met.

Sometimes, I'd hear vague things from an old common friend like "Kayden is still with miraya" and it never failed to surprise me. In the years I had shared classes with him, he never struck me as someone I would want a girl I cared about dating. Why were they together for so long? Did she love him? Was he the kind of man who deserved her? Did he treat her well enough to warrant years of her life? 

Maybe I misjudged him.

She always lived in my mind. I never confessed my interest in her to anyone, ever. What could I possibly say? 

Hey, I saw a girl for twenty minutes at a wedding and she doesn't know I exist but I have a small crush on her. No biggie.

My sister suspected but that's a different story. I stalked Kayden's socials sometimes to try and get a glimpse of her but was mostly disappointed. He didn't post her often. Ever. That asshole was more romantic writing captions about food than his own damn girlfriend.

It felt like a second chance from fate, when I saw her wankered at that party I never wanted to go to. She was half crying, half laughing, constantly talking to a short friend of hers. Her hair looked so pretty, falling down her shoulders. The small top she wore was almost the same colour as the dress on the wedding day and if that wasn't God telling me to go talk to her ...

She was so fucking adorable, all giggly and starry brown eyes looking at me like I was someone to her.

"Emi, Emi look! It's the boy I like."

Say what?

Did I hear that right?

Was it really her staring at me through the library shelf? I thought I imagined it.

She was a dream, falling into my arms all trusting and pliant. Her friend was more sober than she was. Zayden managed to get her phone and name of their other flatmate. He called her and she directed us.

If I felt less blessed by the fates, I might have worried about how easily the wrong person could've taken advantage of them.

But how could I, when I got to give her my jacket during the walk to the car. How could I worry about a single thing in the world, when I got to hold the woman made of all my dreams in my arms and carry her to her room.

When she told me to wait and clutched the front of my shirt in her fist, she might as well have been clutching my heart which spent three years waiting for her.

I left my number on a paper on her bedside desk pressed under her cellphone. The moment I closed her door, I realised I might not survive if she didn't text.

Ren and Zayden were waiting in the car, the latter mostly asleep. Usually the silent one, uncaring of anyone's business, the former looked at me and asked,

"How long have you known her?"

"I don't really know her," I sighed. "I mean, she doesn't know me,"

"How long?"

"Three years,"

"Dear God. And you never talked to her?"

"It's complicated. She didn't know me,"

"Bro, that's what introductions are for. It's not that hard. Three years is too long," This was from Ahmad.

"Yeah, well, I talked to her now,"

"Sure. Just three more years and you'll hold hands. What should I get you for your wedding in forty years?"

Ren, the bloody traitor, laughed.

"Fuck off."

The punchable grin on Ahmad's face stayed the entire drive to our flat.

I couldn't stop thinking about Miraya. The look on her face, the softness of her skin, if she would come meet me to return my jacket, if she'd call me, text me, wake up and think about me, tell her friends about me. If, if, if by some miracle she'd one day  like me.

"Emi, it's the boy I like."

Nah, she couldn't have been serious. She was drunk.

As I fell asleep, I realised it was raining again.

A/N: Yayyy Lev is here! Do we like him? If you're reading, make sure to leave a comment and a vote <3