Beyond

Part 13.

ALLISON JAMES

Its only been almost two days since Clay left and I still miss him. Its like he can not leave my thoughts. I wonder what his dad said and if he has figured a way to keep them away from him. Has any of them tried to get to him? I haven't been sucked into his dreams so that helps keep me calmer. It is so quiet and lonely around here again. Like Clay was all in my imagination. If it was not for his family and his room I would believe it. I sit on his bed watching a family roundtrip movie. Its two guys trying to save a car part business. Right now they are crying and singing to an old song. 
  I laugh softly watching it. "Mom I need to pee!" Natty calls to Mary from her bed. Mary says she is in the bathroom and she'll be there in a second. Her voice did not sound normal it sounded forced and trembled. I forced my energy on the remote pausing the tv. I smile proudly and made my way to the bathroom. "Oh no" Mary whispered so I peek peek through the door. Mary was standing in front of the mirror vanity with something in her hand. Wait that is a pregnancy test! I gasp widening my eyes at what I am seeing. They already have so much going on. 
Clay is going through something nobody will understand. Gabriel is always working all the time. Natalie still has her cast on for two more weeks and Mary still has a lot of work on the house. Especially my room with the blood stained floor. Now she is going to have another baby. I want to tell Clay, but I can't all I can do is stand here. Before the baby comes they need to be more of a family. With how they are going now they could all become miserable. Being here all the time I notice a lot of things they don't even notice. Not even Clay. 
  Gabriel spends most of his time at work. Then, he brings work home with him and ends up passing out in his office. You can see how stressed and exhausted he is. As well as how upset he is that he can't spend more time with his family. He beats himself up about it everyday so you can see he cares. Mary occupies herself with the house and with taking care of Natalie. But, of course there is always down time between. That is when she goes off by herself and lets down that perfect woman façade. If Clay knew maybe he wouldn't be so hard on her. 
Thankfully, Natalie is too young to notice the complete dysfunction. She gets to enjoy being waited on and loved by her mother. She gets to enjoy playing with her friends and her brother. Then, of course Clay who barley leaves his bedroom. I'm sure things would be way better if he got along with Gabriel more. It would make Mary happy and have Natalie see he accepts him. That makes me think about how Clay's last name is Stevenson. He must have his dad's last name so that does help bridge more of a gap between his and the rest of the family. 
  I understand when you get to your teenage years you start acting distant and stuff. But, there has to be more to push him completely into his own world. He has so much love to give you can easily see that. He loves Natalie, his mom and Drake and Courtney deeply. But, he processes things differently and does things in his way. The disconnect happened once he found out about his family abilities. He used to play with Natalie all the time now its not as much. He was so close to his mom and since their fight they've hardly spoken to each other. 
Even Drake and Courtney he only texts them a little bit. The person he talked to most is me and he is slowly opening up. Though in the back of my mind its doing more bad than good. Maybe its me that is causing him to disconnect to the world. I haven't been to positive and maybe my sadness is rubbing on him. There is no future with us romantically or not. So there is no point in getting closer than I already am. I need to help him get close to the people around him. He is stubborn so it will be hard, but Chloe was right I need to help him. 
  I peek in at Mary again seeing her pacing anxiously around the bathroom. I couldn't imagine what she's feeling right now. But, then something comes too me like a ton of bricks. I do know exactly what is feels like. The memory comes back to me clear as day. It's me standing right in front of the bathroom mirror. But I looked really bad. My skin was pale with small needle spots in my arm. My hair was all tangled and matted. The life was already drained from my face. A positive pregnancy test was in my hands. 
How could I forget all these important moments in my life. I had a baby living inside me at on point. Could it be possible that I died with it? Why can't I remember? I slide down the wall holding my stomach. I can't sit here any longer its too much. I get up and run down the stairs and outside. 
  It helps a little bit, but the memory still plays in my head. Its drilled into my head making it hurt. I sit on my rock trying to calm down. My body was trying to protect me from the hard truths of my life I am trying to suppress. But I had to keep prying for answers and now I am paying the price. All the progress I have made in the past few months were for nothing. I am still a small shell of a person and can't suppress my sadness. Without an anchor to keep me positive I am just a broken dead girl. Without Clay here I am nothing. 
I cry for the next few hours trying to make sense of everything. Every time I think I'm getting closer to understanding a curve ball gets thrown in my way. How can I help anyone when I can't help myself. Gabriel's car pulls up and snaps me out of my breakdown. My mindset completely changes to a new mission. I have to hear what they have to say. Gabriel walks into the house and I immediately follow him. "I'm home" he says as he takes off his jacket hanging it up. 
  "Can you come to our room sweetheart?" Mary's voice says from upstairs. Gabriel sense something is up already. Maybe its the urgency in her voice or that she said come to the room not I'm in our room. Then, again they have been together for a long time so they probably know the signs. "Daddy!" Natalie shouts from her room happily. Gabriel goes in there first giving her loves. Then, he helps her adjust her leg and gives her her princess book. He kisses her head once more before going to the bedroom. 
I slip through the door right after him. "Today was a stressful day. We had multiple patients come in today, but couldn't find what was wrong. Our instruments must have stopped working cause we we couldn't find their heartbeats" he says confused taking off his tie. My jaw drops listening to him it makes no sense. There are others! I knew it! But how can they be seen and I can't? How come they can walk where they want in town and I can't? How many people in town are dead and are any of them the spirits who chase Clay? Again so many more questions after getting an answer. 
  At this point who knows if I'll ever get all the answers. Seems unlikely cause some of these things can never be explained. Some stuff just have no answers and they bug me more than the questions do. "Gabe I'm pregnant" Mary says stopping Gabriel from rambling on about work. Those three words alone make him stop and freeze. Multiple emotions go through him at once. Shock being the first but never angry. Suddenly he yells happily with a big smile on his face. "Really? Dear that's amazing" He said embracing her. 
Her face does soften and she smiles at him. She still looks worried still, but much more relaxed when she saw his reaction. "We've been trying again for so long I can't believe it. I am so happy aren't you happy?" he said cupping her cheek and kissing her passionately. Despite their flaws and busy schedules its east to see how deeply in love they are. They are so understanding and considerate of each other. Throughout the couple months I see Gabriel bring home gifts and flower every so often. And when he's working long hours in his study Mary comes in with food and coffee and rubs his shoulders and gives him a kiss. 
  They do have fights something, but hardly ever. It's hard to believe after so many years of being together that they don't fight. Unless they just don't talk about it. "I am happy I am its just not the timing I was hoping for. Your hours are already so busy. I still have work on the house, Natalie's leg plus what's going on with Clay and all that stuff that I still don't understand. Not to mention I'm turning forty and the complications that could happen. I don't want to lose our baby" Mary says crying holding her stomach. Gabriel instantly holds her in his arms comforting her. 
"I know its not ideal, but it will all be fine. I'll talk with work they will understand and I can help with the house and we can wait on some of it. Natalie is doing so much better and her leg will be healed soon. Clay will be okay he is there trying to figure it out right now. He is resilient and a good kid he'll figure it our. There is nothing we can do Mar" he whispers as she pulls back. She nods as he wipes the few tears that fall down her cheek. He lays his head by her stomach rubbing her belly. 
  Mary laughs running her hand through his hair. "We won't lose our baby now ay. You'll be just fine and I don't care if your another girl or a boy. I'll love you no matter what. As for you you may be turning forty, but you definitely don't show it. You are still the most beautiful woman in the world" He says kissing Mary again. This time Gabriel lays her down running his hand over her body. I quickly turn to revert my eyes and walk to the door. The last thing I hear is Gabriel groan and Mary's shirt goes through me. 
I honestly can't remember what being intimate felt like. I might not remember a lot but for some reason I remember Issac and I use to do it all the time, Maybe it was the drugs I used all the time that made it hard for me to remember what it was like. After the dance was our first time in his bedroom. After that night we used to do it at least twice a day for the years we were dating. I don't know how it felt now, but I'd bet anything its nothing like Mary and Gabriel's full of love and passion. But, instead lust, lost and frantic. 
  Other than that I am glad on how their conversation went. He knew just what to say to make her feel better. To make her feel happy and hopeful despite everything going on. It would be great if he's able to not work as much. Clay's biggest fear would be gone his family will be happy. But that is also devastating for me. There will be nothing holding him here. Of course I understand that its good for him and no matter what he does need to be away from here and find himself. 
But, my selfish thoughts creep into my mind like it always does. The more he is away the more I want him. The more I know my heart is going to break when he goes. Now I will have people staying in the house, but they are a family. Mary is pregnant so they'll be another kid here and I will have to watch them be happy. Having all the stuff that I wish I could have. Now all I do is sit and wait. Wait for him to come home. Sit here and wait till this all crumbles down.