Tutoring Hearts

Chapter 14

"Gusto kita."

Those are the two words Jaren wanted Ansel to hear. What he wanted to tell him.

Since the mall trip, Jaren had been mulling over his feelings for Ansel. Noong una, akala niya ay paghanga lang. Kung tutuusin, matalino, mabait, at maaasahan si Ansel.

But the more he reflected, the more he realized it was something deeper.

Jaren replayed their interactions in his mind. Sure, he was attentive to his friends, but he was extra careful with Ansel. He found himself wanting to spend more time with him, protect him, and make him smile. Ansel was special to him in a way that no one else was.

Napabuntong-hininga siya. Naaalala niya kung paano siya muntik nang mapaamin. Nasa dulo ng kanyang dila ang mga salitang gusto niyang sabihin, kaso ay napigilan pa. Kasalukuyan siyang nakahiga kanyang kama at nakatitig sa kisame at hindi maiwasang kagalitan ang sarili dahil hindi niya sinamantala ang sandaling iyon.

His thoughts raced, each one more confusing than the last. Why was it so hard to tell Ansel how he truly felt? The fear of ruining their friendship always held him back. The stakes were high; Ansel meant too much to him to risk losing. Yet, this uncertainty gnawed at him, creating an ache in his chest that wouldn't go away.

"I'm proud to have you as a friend." Talaga, Jaren? he muttered to himself. Friend? Bakit friend ang sinabi ko, e, gusto ko yung tao?

Paikot-ikot ang kanyang mga iniisip. Gusto niyang sabihin kay Ansel ang tunay niyang nararamdaman, pero natatakot din siya. Paano kung hindi ganoon ang nararamdaman ni Ansel? Paano kung masira niya lang ang pagkakaibigan nila?

In the quiet of his room, with only the faint hum of the night as his companion, Jaren made a silent vow to himself. He would find the courage to tell Ansel someday. Pero sa ngayon, hahayaan niya muna lalo na’t malapit na ang exams. Ayaw niya rin namang mabigla si Ansel.

Maya-maya ay pumasok si Jaya sa kwarto niya. Pansin ni Jaya na tila may malalim na iniisip si Jaren.

"Kuya, is something wrong?"

"Hmm? Nope. Just... school stuff," pagsisinungaling niya.

"Are you pagod, kuya? Do you want me to tell you bedtime stories?"

He chuckled. "Kuya is fine." Lovesick lang ang kuya mo, Jaya.

Umupo si Jaya sa tabi niya, tahimik na nagmamasid. Tumagilid naman siya para makaharap ang kapatid. "What do you think of your Kuya Ansel?"

"Hmm, Kuya Zy? Nag-enjoy ako noong nag-mall tayo kasama siya! He’s really nice and fun to be with. And he's pretty! I like his brain too because he's so matalino!" masiglang sabi ni Jaya. "I like him! You like Kuya Zy too, right, Kuya Ja?"

Nagkibit-balikat si Jaren at ngumiti. "Yeah, I like your Kuya Zy."

Jaya beamed at him. "Good! Kasi, I think you’re happier when you’re with him."

Jaren smiled, ruffling Jaya's hair.

Pagkabalik ng kapatid niya sa sariling kwarto, parang nalinawan ulit siya. He took a deep breath. If Jaya could see how much Ansel meant to him, then maybe it was time he let Ansel know too.

Yeah, I like him.

Days passed, and the rumors gradually died down. Nagpatuloy lang sila sa pag-aaral at ipinagsawalang bahala ang nangyari. Alam nilang pareho na kapag midterms season na, magiging masyadong abala na ang lahat sa kanilang mga exam para intindihin pa ang anumang bagay. Patuloy pa rin naman sila sa maliliit na interaksyon sa campus at kaswal na nag-uusap paminsan.