20: Koi Fish

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Laffy's words hit me like a ton of bricks; I had already seen the bright red plus sign, but I didn't believe it. It wasn't until she told me that I actually comprehended it.
"N-no...." I gasped, my hand over my mouth. "I-I can't be. I don't know how to raise a baby! This isn't the life it should be in!" I felt as if my body was shutting down, I couldn't take this. This couldn't be true. This had to be some fucked up dream.
"I'm sorry, Ms. Caer....I won't tell Joker." She spoke softly, looking down, she too was at a loss of words. I was too numb to speak, too numb to do anything. I had to remind myself to breathe, before I turned blue and took two lives by my stupid actions.
"Would you like me to help you cover this dilemma up?" She asked. "Or to...Terminate the dilemma?"
I looked at her, green orbs catching false silver ones. "....Terminate it?" I spoke the words softly, taking a shaky breath right after.
I couldn't kill my own child. It was a living being. It wasn't it's fault that Jack and I were being stupid, the baby couldn't be killed. I could kill anyone easy, but this thing inside me was mine. It was part of me, it lived because of me, protected by me. It was Jack and I, Jack and I had made something other than love. We had made a baby. And I could never kill something that we both created.
"I can't terminate it." I spoke firmly, then looks down. "Well, I need to hide it." I thought of Jack, and how angry he would be if I hid it from him. I bit my lip, then sighed. He could wait to find out.
"Alright." She sighed, grabbed the tests, threw them into a trash bag, and got up, leaving the room. I walked to my bed, feeling uneasy. I started looking through my clothes for stuff that would hide the bump for the next four months. I had flowy shirts, so I could probably hide it while clothed. Jack would probably want to have sex tonight, but after finding out about the kid, I wouldn't want to for a while. At this point, it seems disgusting at this point. I would feel dirty.
I sighed. When I heard footsteps, I sighed once more. They got closer.
"Laffy, I need more loose shirts. You could get me some, right? If Jack-"
"If I what?" I heard Jack's curious voice ask, my heart stopped, I felt my stomach drop. I spun around and saw Jack standing before me instead of Laffy.
Well damn, he'd probably find out about my problem before the time I planned on telling him.
"Uh....." I started, then grinned innocently. "I'm gaining a little weight, I didn't want to gross you out or anything by my stomach fat."
He frowned, then grinned. "Sweetie, you'll always be pretty, even if you gain a few pounds. Just exercise if you're so concerned." He shrugged, then took off his jacket.
"Well...I don't know" I chuckled, shrugging. "I seem a bit ugly..."
He gave me a look I knew so well. I gulped, knowing what he wanted.
He walked close to me, wrapping his arms around my waist, pressing himself against me. I felt something odd against my leg, my eyes widening when I realized what it was.
"You'll always be hot to me." He whispered huskily.
My stomach was pressed against his chest. My baby was inside my stomach, and he was against me. It made me feel awkward, I didn't know why, but it just did.
"Jack, just...Not tonight." I said softly, he growled softly. I was frustrating him.
He kissed my neck gently, my eyes fluttered closed. I felt as his neck grazed the tender spot on my neck, and shivered. He knew where it was, and he was using it against me.
"I'm sure you'll change your mind later...." He softly spoke, his hands gripping onto my hips. I felt wrong for this.
"Jack, no..." I said weakly, but a little more firmly than before. He wouldn't take no for an answer. I felt him roughly squeeze my hips, a flash of anger in his eyes. I suddenly felt my motherly instincts kick in, and I felt more defensive all of a sudden.
"No!" I shoved him off of me and ran out of the room, bursting out the back door leading to the backyard, jumping over the back fence and ending up in the forest just behind the house. I walked into the heart of the forest, where a tiny pond was. I smiled softly at it, bending down and watching the Koi fish swim around each other. 
They looked so peaceful, some swimming in circles, other swimming in no particular direction. They looked as if they were dancing.
I giggled softly, watching as a blue Koi played with a green Koi. I had never seen Koi fish of their color, they stood out from everyone else.
I bit my lip as I was hit with a realization. It was like my situation. I was the blue Koi, Jack was the green one. Two different fish in a pond, every other fish completely different, the other fish not even paying attention to the green Koi and blue Koi. The blue and green Koi only had each other.
I shouldn’t have flipped out on Jack, I should just come clean with the issue instead of hide it. We only had each other in this world, anyways.
I got up, clenching my fists, trying to gain the courage. 
I could do this, I could do this....
Walking back, I could feel the doubt hanging over my head.

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