This love is tainted
I need you and I hate it
-Fool For You, Zayn

Double update? I think yes.
This is a make up for taking forever to update last time. Sorry again.

Still very unedited. I plan on editing this entire book in June.

GOALS: 83 votes, 22 comments

Everything is so loud. The beeping, the ticking, all of it is deafening. On top of that my whole body hurts, but my emotional pain is a thousand times worse. I feel like I'm suffocating, I gasp for air hoping it would ease my pain. I feel tears stream down my face but I keep my eyes close. Maybe then I can convince myself that this is just a dream, a nightmare. But I know it's not and no matter what I do the pain won't stop.

"Madison," I hear my name being called and I snap my eyes open. Kayla and Liam are standing at the side of my hospital bed.

"Leave," I snap, my voice barely audible.

"Madison, I'm so sorry," Kayla reaches for my hand, but I snatch it away. Pain shoots through my entire arm but I mask it.

"Don't," I warn

"I'm so sorry Madison. I-I didn't- I didn't know-"

"Bullcrap," I cut her off. "You knew. You knew the whole fucking time. Leave."


"Babe, let's go," Liam cuts her off. Kayla sighs and nods.

"I'm sorry," she whispers and they both leave.

That's when I break down. I can't stop the sobs Ive been choking back or the tears the fall. I can't stop the pain in my chest or the pounding of my head. I can't stop anything and I literally feel so bad.

I have never felt this kind of pain before. It's unbearable and I just need it to stop. Everything is closing down on me. I'm drowning and I can't find my way back up to the surface. I feel so alone, I am alone. I have no one here that cares or that I can count on.

Everyone knew.

The people I've became closest with lied to me. They all knew what would happened and left me high and dry. I don't know what hurts most, the fact that they all lied or the fact that they didn't even think twice about it. Well Zayn did, but that only makes everything worse. I hate him for doing what he did. I hate him for playing and using me. For leading me on for his own selfish reason. But what I hate the most is that I'm still completely in love with him. And that's what is killing me inside.

I need to get out of this room. I need to get away from all these monitors. And I especially need to get out of London. I feel so closed in, in this room and it brings back bad memories. Memories I know I'll never be able to forget, no matter how hard I try.

My vision is blurry from all the tears and I begin ripping the tubes and needles a out of my skin and away from me. I don't even care about the pain because right now all I need to do is get away. I need to leave this dreadful place.

The door opens and I don't even realize it until someone says my name. I look up to see Zayn standing there wide eyed. This makes everything ten times more painful and I'm now even more determined to get out of here. He calls for help and rushes over to me.

"Stop, please," he begs and touches my shoulder

"Don't fucking touch me!" I scream. He hastily backs away just as two nurses and my doctor walks in. "How could you?" I sob, staring at Zayn. "How could you be so heartless?"

The nurses try to hold me down and I continue trying to leave. The doctor walks over to us with a needle and the last thing I see before passing out is Zayn crying.

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