Decisions

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It's been a month, 2 weeks, 3 days, 5 hours, 30 min, and 45 seconds since they have disappeared. Every where I go a missing poster of both Jacob and Embry haunt me. Leah and I are going crazy. We are in the woods looking for anything that will lead us to them. If I'm not out looking for Jacob and Embry, or with Leah. I'm locked in my room stareing outside my window. Waiting for them to walkout of the woods from potrol. Laughing, fooling around and smiling. Leah and I are eating like a normal human being. That isn't good. We are losing weight, losing our tanned skin color. At least some people are still happy. Kimberly said yes to Jared. So they are engaged and will get married. As well as Sam and Emily might finally get married.
The wedding is tomorrow. Edward sent me an invitation. Called me to ask how i was doing and if I was going to go. I told him I might go but I'm not so sure. I don't really know if I want to go. Ever since Seth found out about me receiving the invatation. He keeps begging for me to go with him. That way he can be with me instead of his mom, Billy and Charlie. Leah doesn't want to go. She hates vampires again. She doesn't like Rosalie anymore. I think I am going to the wedding tomorrow even after what the invitation has done. It's Edward's wedding. I don't think I'll ever be at a vampires wedding, and it is Edward's first wedding. Also it hurts me more then I already am to see Seth sad.
"Jessica, Emily sent you some food." Paul says from knocking on the door lightly behind the door.
"Paul come in." I tell him in my dry raspy voice. He steps inside with a warm bowl of chicken soup.
"Here sis." He says giving me the soup. I take hands out from the blanket that I have wrapped around me, takeing the bowl and spoon. I take some of the food in. "Jessica your worrying me a lot. I told dad." He says with guilt. I want to get mad at Paul but I just can't.
"Paul. I don't like that you told dad. You probably got him worried now. But I understand. Your just doing what a brother should." He looks at me. I can see that having Paul seeing me like this hurts him.
"Jessica. You didn't yell at me." He stands up walkimg around my room. "At least if you yelled at me. Got mad at me I would know that your still inside there." He looks back at me. "You don't leave your room. If you do your with Leah in the woods looking for Embry and Jacob. Or in your car driving with Leah in forks and the rez looking for them. At the police station talking with Cheif Swan. I don't know what to do anymore." He says.
"Paul, I've been thinking about something." I say looking down at my soup.
"What have you been thinking." He sits back down.
"I'm going to leave Washington." I tell him.
"What why?!" He stands back up trying to calm himself down.
"I can't be here any longer. As soon as Embry is back I'm going to go to go back to California." I respond.
"Why? There is no one over there that you can stay with." He points out.
"I can find a place to stay." I respond.
"You can't go Jessica. What about Jacob?" He asks with disgust.
"What about him. That was the last chance. If he returns I don't want anyone to tell him where I have gone. Only tell him to go on with his life like if I have never meet him." I respond.
"Jessica I'm not going to let you go." He holds me from my shoulders and looks at me straight in the eye. I look away from his eyes. I can't look at him. He has been growing a beard, his eyes are getting baggy. All because of me.
"Paul look at yourself in the mirror. You look terrible. All because of me."
"Jessica I don't care about how I look. I care about you more then my looks. And I don't want you to leave. I won't have anyone to stay up late with to whatch movies. I won't be able to control my anger if your not there for me. Jessica I lost you when we were young. You found me and came back. I don't want to lose you." I feel my eyes water.
"Take me to Sam's. Let's ask him what he thinks." I stand up. I'm wearing one of Paul's hoodies that he gave me, a pair of sweatpant, and vans. We go to his Chevelle ss. He looks at me sighs and drives off.

I get out of the car and walk up to the rest of the pack in Emily's house.
"Sam we need to talk." Paul says. Sam walk outside with Paul and I.
"Nice to see you again Jess." He hugs me.
"Same here Sam." I respond.
"What's wrong?" He ask looking at Paul and then me.
"I want your opinion as my alpha." I tell him, he nods for me to keep going. "I want to go back to California, as soon as we find Embry." I tell him.
"What about Jacob?" He ask.
"I've had enough of him. Jacob doesn't deserve to know where I have gone." I respond.
"Jessica I will support what ever you choose. Just keep in mind that if you leave your hurting Jacob and yourself." He tells me.
"Sam you cant let my sister go." Paul protests.
"It's your sisters choice not yours or mime." Sam barks.
"Thanks Sam." I tell him.
"Jessica just think about what you really want." He says hugging me. We walk back in to the house, for dinner.

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