Your Fatal Love [Charles Leclerc]

Twenty-Six

Ronnie

I had confessed all my sins to a man I didn't know.

Everything I had always promised to keep to myself, I promised the day my mother died for a reason other than her addiction that it would be my secret. I would keep her memory alive as a mother who cared, a woman who would sacrifice herself for me rather than a shot of heroin.

Charles held my body to his, he held me while I sobbed my heart out and told him every secret I had never told.

I fell asleep in his arms, in the one place I've felt safe. The only place I've ever actually felt comfortable in, of course in my true fashion I sabotaged it.

I left while he slept.

I ran away like I always did, I couldn't help but leave. I had shown him the side of myself I had never shown anyone before, I had hardly even allowed myself to see it now Charles had too. I had to run and I sure as hell couldn't see that man.

Not again.

"Ron?" I hear the bone chilling nickname leave my father's mouth. I turn around quickly it nearly took my head off my shoulders, I had no choice but to come into work.

I wanted to curl up into a ball and cry all day, but life wasn't that easy. I had shit to do and I can do it with a fake smile on my face, I've mastered pretending I'm fine over my entire life. I've become very convincing now.

A skill of manipulation can be easily learned when your mother was a mastermind.

"I've told you not to call me that"

"I've always called you Ron" He shrugs off like it's nothing. To him it is nothing, there is nothing behind his words that rip my heart apart every time he says them.

He doesn't know why but that nickname is the reason I hate him most.

~~
"He said he would be here!" I shout back at my uncle as I finished packing my bags for the two weeks I would be spending with my father. I hadn't seen him in a month now, he had been busy but he still called.

This month without him had been hell, mum had been worse than usual. I had progressed to loading the needle now, not a usual thing for a 13 year old to be doing but here we are. I just needed some time in normality, I knew my father had a whole other family but I liked them.

They seemed to like me too.

"Oh sweetheart he isn't coming" My uncle speaks to me once more.

I hated him more than anyone, he pulled my dreams apart. He wanted me to stay here with mum so he could go off and get high alone, whenever I went away he had to stay. My mum was more addicted than he was, she had to be babied more.

"He is he called me earlier" I argue back with my arms crossed. I had gained a way to stick up for myself over the years, I knew how to hold my own most of the time.

"We will see" He scoffs before walking off.

My dad was due in 45 minutes and I was so excited I sat on the door step waiting for him to show up. He was usually late but that didn't change the fact he still showed up, god I needed him to show up.

Two hours I sat on that door step, I sat there until the rain started. I sat there until I was chilled to the bone, until my mother had crawled from her delusional state and pulled me inside. She enjoyed pretending to care.

"He left a voicemail" she snaps before handing me the home phone.

I bring it to my ear before I hear the sounds of his voice, it felt like a sentence I had heard before.

"Hey Ron, Im sorry but I can't make it princess. Something came up with work and I'm super busy but I will call you next week. I love you Ron!"

Ron.

He was the only man person that ever called me that. He was also the only person I trusted until this moment. I had no one that cared, no one that wanted me like I wanted them.

I didn't even say anything, I place the phone down and hold back the tears. I feel my mother take my body close to hers in an attempt to comfort me. She was cold as ice towards me as she always was, this was a show. She wanted to pretend like she felt bad for me, she didn't feel bad for me.

She was probably happy he cancelled.

"Come on baby! Why don't you go pick up for me and then we will watch a movie?"

That was all I was, a drug mule.

~~~~~

"No you don't call me that" I snap before turning away from my father. He stood there unsure as to what the fuck was going on, he didn't know his effect he always had on me.

He had ruined my life and he wasn't even there to pick up the pieces.

"What's going on Ronnie you need to talk to me?"

I feel him lean forward to touch my arm, I pull away from his touch. I had the worst few hours of my life, I didn't need him right now.

"No I don't" I snap before walking away from the man that never showed up for me.

I didn't know where else to go, I just walked down the hall into a bathroom. I locked the door behind me as I took a deep breath, I just didn't know what to do with all these feelings I was having. I had a man that wanted me that had held me all night.

Charles had a kind heart but my heart was dark and broken.

How could two hearts that were so different fit together as one?

I would break that man, a man that only deserved kindness towards him. I couldn't give him that, I couldn't give him that kindness when I had not an ounce of kindness inside of me.

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A LITTLE RONNIE BACK STORY

lots of love
Zoe xoxo