/MEMORY/

home

i live in a mental institution.

wow, the best introduction...
but eh, whatever it takes to take the scenes
off my mind, the flaunting errors in this
house of emotions and chaos.

my family isn't normal, or what seemed to be normal. At least on the inside, and maybe with explanation by my bedside,
i can understand why i think like that.

My dad is an insomniac, going hours without
taking a single wink of sleep, or maybe
a two or three to ease my mom's anxiety.
A carefree spirit, drawn to work and work
and work, files and papers litter his desk.
Tends to barge into my room
(its actually a shared room due to limited space in this dormitory of people, or rather my sleeping space and his collection of papers);
well I've informed my family to knock on the door, but he sometimes forgets to do so.
Does he ever tries to remember? Or is his work plaguing his exhausted sleep-deprived mind?
Not many times did he actually remember what I told him a few hours ago, or maybe keeps repeating a single request even when I've agreed to it for the past few days.
Dementia? ADHD? Seems like a mix of both.
He is quite patient though, but often a patient of disinterested listening. Well, can't say he isn't trying though, just not an actual full conversation without him butting in or getting distracted by materialistic society.

My mom is pretty chill, if you look at how she's living her life right now.
A housewife managing chores and some online lessons on psychology, she is trying her best to be helpful, or what she deemed helpful in emotional encouragement.
But with her only parent's decreasing health, so does her psychological mindset, causing the whole system to reset to what was before.
The chaos after the storm.
I've heard her countless relentless stories of how difficult her life was in the past; money, favouritism, self-hate and insecurity.
I've lived out her trauma before, so I know the ridiculously hindering stress on her shoulders.
Yeah she needs the reassurance, but her anxiety is skyrocketing so fast, I have no idea how long it will take before she loses her grip on what reality is. Not everything psychological can be resolved psychologically.

And there comes my sister. The closest to me, or maybe in terms of age and relatability.
A real sportsperson, always out and about with her endless workouts and sports-related work.
A busy person yes, but only with the physical and never the mental, hiding her disbelief within her already cracking heart.
Staying strong to appease the world of sports,
but what about her own world?
I can see the colours withering from blue to red, the emotions spilling bit by bit through her veins, the fiery anger threatening to ambush the household, if not her workplace.
With more breakdowns and fire unleashed,
I wonder if she has enough power to ease the dam breaking; the dam of voluminous annoyance and distaste for society. My heart fears the outcome of such disasters.

Me? I'm the first experiment.
Testing my mental stability of outrageous circumstances and events, floods of emotions and worry and hallucinations.
How did the world create such abominations?
I see the sky as a portal, the sea a wormhole, the land as feathers and nature as glass.
I doubt normal is a thing now in this era.
People are aliens to my sight, their voices a presence too much, in the dark and light.
A haunting melody with no intention, besides the ones who create a lullaby for the sake of therapeutic inventions.
Lingering and unexplained, I think I may have dissected that of the alive and the un-alive...?

Haha, not telling.

But remember...
i live in a mental institution.