Someday

Year 11, Day 1

A/N: Because Bobby and Will have been a part of my life (and yours) for quite a while, this was a difficult chapter to write. My normally MIA tears decided to make an appearance halfway through this, and I realized it's because I care about the ending as much as both my characters. 

Thank you for letting me have this moment, for opening your hearts (and minds), for loving their story and coming back for more. Your continued votes, comments and tweets (or shares) are all appreciated and the fuel to keep writing and posting. 

One chapter to go, happy reading! 

P.S. I was thinking of writing a few bonus chapters. What do you guys think?

***

Dear Bobby,

I was 7 when I fell for you, 16 when I said yes to marrying you and 18 when I finally decided to let you go.

Before I go on any further, let me start with the truth: I love you. I always will. But I cannot live my life waiting because it's not really living. Every single door that opens is you coming home. Every email I get is a frustration because you didn't write it. Every friend is dull and fleeting because he's not you. Every hug or kiss, even from mom and dad, they don't mean much anymore, and it's starting to hurt them, Bobby. 

In my last letters, all 407 of them, I told you I was gonna get through this, and I did. I was just never happy or even 'fine', at least not how we would have defined it together. They were motions, all of them - moments that lead up to the hope of seeing you again. I clung to that hope, and it got me to today. For that, I'm grateful.

Bobby, the love you gave me will sustain me the way it has for the last years. My 9 years with you will be the best 9 years of my life, and whatever better years I'll have, it will be because you taught me what it means to be truly happy and content and loved. Bobby, you are and always will be at the core of every smile, every laugh, every good memory I make. Thank you.

But to keep the Will that you loved or any semblance of him, I need to let go of the bitterness of waking up every morning with the unbearable disappointment of another day without you. It's eating at me, taking over every good part of me, making me doubt myself, you... us. I don't want that; we had a good run, a good friendship, a good romance, a good someday, and I want to keep that. We deserve to have that. 

None of this is your fault, Bobby, not even the lack of letters or any sign of recognition every time you came to visit your parents and would see me waiting by our fence. They, whoever 'they' are, took something from you. I'm not sure what, but it changed you - the look in your eyes, the skip in your step, even the lack of humming when you're waiting for that white van. I wish I could have done something, Bobby, and that's one thing my heart will always regret, not just because it may have led to losing you but because you don't deserve it. 

Once, under the stars, by our favorite fence, you promised me a 'someday', but you won't get to keep that promise. At least keep one; keep the first one. 

Be happy, Bobby.

Be very happy. 

The boy who believed in our someday,

Will