NOT THE AMISH! Part I

Start from the beginning

Althea tried a smile and became very aware of the positions of her hands. This felt like high school all over again. Insults-

"I'm not going to shit all over my legacy by putting it in the hands of this titmouse librarian."

And Pity-

"She grows on you... and she's very eager." Julian said in the way you describe the recently deceased to a relative.

Althea needed to rally, she needed to get Hal to like her. She tried to launch into her rehearsed speech and got as far as Mr. Jamieso- before Hal slammed his coffee onto the table.

"She's standing there like a subtarded nitwit. How's she going to hold up in the underworld of Macau?"

As Hal spewed insults, Althea remembered the episode when he helped a tiny indigenous village in the Amazon stop puma poachers. She remembered watching from the floor of her den as Hal took the poachers down with the same fierceness he was directing at her now.

It was probably the most memorable episode of The People of The World. Hal's crew followed him through the dense jungle as he snuck into the poacher's camp. They had guns. He had a camera. He actually talked the poachers into stopping their murderous trade. Some ecologists believe that this species of Puma is not extinct because of his actions that day. BALLS OF STEEL!

"You have balls of steel!"

Julian's mouth dropped and mouthed what the F?

"And I can produce your show. I'll do what ever you say. I promise. I can work any hours. I need to be a part of this. Please!" Before she could finish her groveling she welled up with a venomous embarrassment that made her so nauseous she could sense her gag reflex.

Hal leaned back in his chair.

"I'm sorry about the hat! It was stupid!" Althea wept.

Hal couldn't be bothered to roll his eyes. He got up and grabbed the fedora from the Althea and pitched it in garbage. Before he lumbered out the door he stopped, "Get Nik on camera. The sound guy, just make sure he's not an a-wad. And hire her if you must. I'm in."

A SMALL BITE

Althea had delivered many well thought out idea nuggets for the pilot episode, which was tentatively titled The Untitled Hal Jamieson Project. The Saudi Princess's, The Greenlandic Inuit, and The Xantanawa tribe who had only been discovered in the past year and had never seen modern civilization: These were just a few of Althea's suggestions.

Hal called them all worse than hack.

Julian wanted something that was hot and sexy. His first suggestion was a week with Kammy Kaladain. How this could be perceived as educational no one knew. He kept on his Hot and Sexy approach, so it blew everyone's mind when his follow up suggestion was The Amish.

Hal moaned "NOT THE AMISH!"

Julian sighted a salacious trash bucket reality show that was about a bunch of young Ex-Amish kids breaking away from The Church to get tattoos and have sex with each other. That show was about 100 percent bull, but it got the ratings in the right demos: Morons who still watched TV.

The real Amish people are notoriously difficult to film. Julian said, "They're the Holy Grail of educational programming."

Hal responded with "They never found the fucking grail, you tit! The Amish don't want any part of us. So they're sure as sugar not wanting TV crews lurking around their communities."

Althea decided that she would do what ever it took to get an Amish community to let them film. If she pulled it off, Hal would have to change his tune. She imagined he would give her his crooked grin and say I pegged you wrong Althea Jones... You're alright. And it would be the beginning of a beautiful friendship.

Strange YarnsRead this story for FREE!