Capturing the Crown

Chapter 41- The King's Interminable Agony

Atlas's Pov
If you asked me a few months ago if I'd be crumbling on the bathroom floor in guilt and sadness over my father's death, I would have laughed in your face and assumed you were an absolute lunatic. But now, ironically, I lay against the bathroom floor, my knees and legs pressed against the stone cold floor in a crutched over position, in the arms of my thought to be dead girlfriend, Astrid, Daughter of the Other Side's King Alaric.  At this point in my life if someone told me something crazy, I'd probably believe them because that's how unbalanced and deranged my life has been. How can a person go from disgusting and despising someone so much to less than a few weeks later be filled with a strange feeling that's similar to the emotion love and affection for a person. My agony is interminable, never-ending. My brain is foggy and scattered with countless emotions and thoughts of many what ifs and rewritten alternate endings for the reliant ship of mine and my father's. My mother. I come to the relaxation I have no parents anymore. It's funny. Because I had grown completely unutterably comfortable with the idea that I was practically parentless because my father used to hate me physically and emotionally. It was obvious in the way his face turned up in distaste and frustration when he saw me. My knees are growing weak, shaking, against the floor. If you asked me how long I've been crying I probably couldn't tell you the amount of time I've sat on the floor sobbing over my guilt and grief. Astrid has been with me through all of this, offered her support me comfort with no words at all, just being by my side, letting me cry against her lap. Even though, by now, her pants are probably soaked with my fallen tears. After a good while, she finally speaks and says to me, softly brushing a piece of my hair out of my face,"Atlas. I know you are hurting and I'm so sorry for everything. But I do need you to let me fix your hand please." My Adam's apple moves up and down in my throat, before I reply casually devoid of care," It doesn't matter anymore, Astrid. You know it doesn't." She quints her blue eyes at me with a hint of confusion, "It does matter, Atlas." I don't think about my next words when I tell her a bit accusatory, "It doesn't. I have nothing else to live for. But you do. You have a whole life-" I stop short when I take in her shocked expression of my choice of words. I sputter out, "I'm sorry, Astrid. I wasn't-" Her lips move slightly apart before she leans toward me and says, "You do have something to live for, Atlas. Why can't you see that. You have me. I've seen you when you thought I was dead- it killed me to watch you walk away thinking I was gone- that I was dead. That I abandoned you. I know your grief is surrounding you right now and you can't think straight. I know the feeling because I've felt the same thing when my mother was killed on the battlefield. But you don't see me giving up. You don't see me thinking I have nothing to live for. I am living for myself. I'm living for you. I'm living for our future." Astrid had my attention now. Her hands grab the sides of my face, "Look me in the eyes, Atlas." I look her straight in the eyes. Astrid says, "Believe me, Atlas. I'm asking you this- can you do that too? If you can't live for yourself right now, can you at least live for me? For our future? For our future children and grandchildren?" After a pause or two, I reluctantly swallow and say, "Yes. I can't do it for me right now but I can do it for you. I love you, Astrid. I could never live without you." I pause before adding, half-smiling just for her,"After all, remember the sun needs the moon." Astrid's lips cut into a wide smile, "I love you, Atlas." I lay my head against her shoulder, saying, my voice soft as I joke, "The sun is a bit exhausted right now. It's out of energy for today. It told me it really needs the moon to help." This statement makes her face light up, she responds back, grinning, "That's amazing because tell the sun the moon is back in business, baby." Her eyes have traveled down my face at this point. Her gaze is fixated on my lips now, the tension brewing between us as I follow her moves, making eye contact and then suddenly the sensation in the air shifts when I tilt my head forwards towards her and her lips part in response as I drive my mouth towards hers, like an animal. I have forgotten how deprived I was from her and the contact of our lips makes me instantly hungry for her taste. I wanted to devour and cherish every part of her entirely. The taste of her lips, the delicate texture of her skin, the small crooked dimples of her cheeks when she smiles, her addicting smell that drives me feral. I love her. She's the most perfect thing that's ever been in my life. I love her. I want to be with her for the rest of my life. I wanted to be with her for the rest of our lives. Our kisses seem to never die, we just keep exploring each other's mouth, her lips in between my lips feeling so right. It feels like we were made for each other. Before, kissing Astrid had been both a blessing and a curse it feels like. A curse because we were trapped in two sides of a torn, broken society. But it felt like a blessing too because she was the one thing the Outsiders couldn't take away from me no matter how hard they fought to. We still technically were but the empire was being destroyed. Our whole world has always been corrupted but I knew it when I met her soon after signing the truce that knowing Astrid of the Other Side would change my life forever. After a while of kissing, I forget my injured hand and slide it down her neck and wince and we break apart from each other and Astrid says, "That was... amazing. I really would love to do that again but.." Her eyes advert to my hands," Your hands need special attention right now, okay?" I rub the back of my neck, as I sigh, then responding, "Okay." Astrid asks me, "Let's go to your room so I can fix it, yeah?" I swallow hard when I realize she won't find any bandages there. But I cannot go back to the room where my father lays. Not now. Flashbacks of my fathers body - when he was appearing to be asleep- flood through my mind. I believe Astrid notices my awareness because she says, "Oh, no, Atlas. I have some supplies don't worry. You don't have to go.. you know... back there." I simply say, feeling stupid, "Oh.." I escort myself to my room and collide with my bed immediately going into my room. Astrid says, "Okay, Atlas. I'll be back with some supplies, okay?" I reply as she turns I say, "Ash." She turns around, answering, "Yes?" I say, biting my lip, "Thank you for loving me when nobody else did." Astrid smiles, "Of course, Atlas. I feel like I've always loved you." Then she walks away from my room to get the materials, leaving me thinking about my father and how life is cruel to people like me.